Saturday, December 22, 2012


This is perhaps one of the most touching visual metaphors
free of human tragedy or physical violence I've ever seen.
Haunting, heartwarming, truthful about timing
and inevitability.
It captures curiosity, memories, plans devised and dashed.
An offhanded time lapse documenting the best of us, we humans.
All along a NYC street.

I don't mind admitting to it made me smile
And it made me cry.
And it made me wish with all my heart that
the last few moments had happened a day earlier....
But most of all, this NYTimes Vids gift to me
was hope. Because in capturing it the author reminded me there's
good in humanity and in life at a time when that's very hard to
remember. Difficult to see. Each frame of image, each longing
reaching note of the background score touched my soul.
After all, HOPE is life raft of the battered heart....
It's the strength to move forward amid hopelessness and pain.
I wish for you, this season of Yule, a few contented notes
of music. A moment or two of happy memories. 
An unfettered minute of curiosity that you act upon with abandon.
(even on a city street)
I wish for you a dream that involves furniture dollies.
I wish for you the feeling of and trust in
amid these confounding and difficult times.
Warm holiday wishes to each of you who share my world here
I hope you somehow know how much your visits, comments, emails
add to MY days - thank you x many  :-) for finding the time to come here.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Heavy Hearts

There are so many
Heavy and broken hearts
New York
New Jersey
I can not think
What keeps the East Coast
From slipping into the sea
From the weight of the sadness
From the flow of tears...
I have no other words
I offer only tears shared.....

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Messages Are Where You Find Them (or they find you)!

You can't control the weather
You can adjust the set of your sails 
Years and years ago at I time when nothing seemed within my control, within my say I came across a sign. A simple plastic sign. A sailing ship on a rugged bit of sea, sails filled with wind, moving it forward.
The quote above  emblazoned across the bottom.
You know, one of those odd times when great truth is discovered in a truly unlikely place. Fate had a point to make. Something to tell me.
Fate is a clever (and strange) lady...
I stood, staring at this extruded plastic, made by the thousands, sold cheap, never to be seen on  an HGTV decorator show (lol) sort of sign. Within minutes it (this one of thousands) was mine. I hung it
where I could view it at least once every day. It's message from fate/karma/the universe to me arrived at a time when my heart and spirit were adrift. I desperately needed answers.
There it was, delivered in all its plastic glory.
It hangs still.
Always will.
Where I can see it at least once each day.

Because life  never becomes simple.
And I'll always be happiest if I remember I can choose to adjust
Adjust what I think, what I do, what I cease to do, the way I view things
I'd meant to tell you about this because, just possibly, its a message from fate that will help you too.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Thankfulness And Expectations

The word, the concept and the holiday.
Each are seemingly straightforward (one would think).
One would be wrong.
Because amid the gray Thursdays, black Fridays, cyber Mondays and Plaid Saturdays
I put forward the possibility that we've grown a bit lost. And not only on
There's no part of me that doesn't enjoy shopping, lol
For food or fun or vintage or material or (fill in the blank, lol)
And yet....and yet...
I can't escape the sound of chewing upon on the edge of my mind that says
"what about what you already HAVE"?
It seems endemic that the moment we 'have it' (whatever it may be)
it's counted as a given, irrevocable, permanent. No need to be
thankful for things one already possesses...Or is there?
Isn't that one of the foundation stones of Thanksgiving? Of life?
Life has shared with me that one of her profound truths is the transitory nature of everything.
Life itself, possessions, dreams, hopes, failure, success, power, health, weakness.
All things change, alter.
Yet it's so common within our society to expect what we have will remain the same.
One of the astounding, ever-present, beautiful and 'oft distressing aspects
of farm life is the dynamic day to day illustration precisely how life alters, changes.
Crops grow. Crops fail. Animals live and die. Hawks soar, animals they overfly become dinner. Winter snow and Summer rains become water in the well to sustain life for all on the farm.
There are times things go wrong. Things change.
Not enough water, not enough sun. Animal illness. Human illness. Insufficient firewood. It's perhaps easier to remain in touch here on this land,  depending upon nature and chance to see the truth that food, warmth, ease and contentment are not a 'given', not secured. Not permanent. Not by any amount of work or money or intention or hope. There are times things go wrong.
Those thoughts, the realities that I see all thru the year instigated the chewing, the wondering at the edges of my mind if it isn't important on Thanksgiving (and every day) to be thankful for the things we oh-so-casually are inclined to think of as permanent.
Because permanent is a word and an illusion, but is rarely if ever a truth or a fact.
I have never been desperately hungry or cold.
I have never been without decent clothing.
I have never been without a shower or tub.
I've never faced war or personal violence.
I have, thus far, had more to be thankful for
 than I tend to think of as often or deeply as I should.
I shouldn't think of any of these (or my other comforts and joys)
as permanent, as irrevokable as unchangeable, should I?
What I desire, what I seek can overshadow or eclipse
what I have if I don't pay attention.
Hey, I don't believe gray, black, cyber and plaid days can't coexist with thankfulness. I simply plan to remind myself things are not the foundation of Thanksgiving, nor of happiness, nor of life.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Monday Muse Day


    Three random pictures
from the homestead, picked today
Do they whisper something to you?
Will you share here what they say?!
 Just a bit of wool gathering, a bit of fun really :-)
If you'd like to join in, share a single word
(the first that comes to mind or otherwise)
that you think of when you see this picture montage....
Just One word.
(or more if you prefer)!!!
Perhaps a single word from a book or poem title?
Or one word snipped from a memory, or an impression, or emotion.
Easy Peasy - Just One Single Word.
I hope you'll join in and leave your "word" in the comments

on this, the next Monday Muse-day !
(PS Subscribe to comments to see everyones word, including mine
which I leave later in the week so as not to influence anyones first impression)

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

A Curious Truth

“I am glad that I paid so little attention to good advice.
Had I abided by it I might have been saved from some of my most valuable mistakes.”

Edna St Vincent Millay

Wednesday, November 7, 2012


Each morning begins the same
I'm gifted (because it's not a given)
A day, a pocketful of hours (24 to be precise)
Some I've spent already, on sleep and dreams
Necessary. Needed.
Some I'll spend on phone calls, bills, laundry, dishes.
Some days leave upon my steps, just outside my door
Challenges, unbidden. Some days, some hours are spent there.
But almost never is there a day when I can not choose
How to invest some moments of my day.
Hours on some days, moments on others.
But never has there been a day where not a single moment is mine to shape.
The trick, I've discovered, is choosing wisely, choosing well.
Tic-toc-the-unstoppable-clock allows me to decide....
Will I worry? Fret? Be vexed? Be annoyed.
Yes, sometimes.
Waste. So often, a waste. 
Will I smile? Be kind? If not forgive, at least forget? Count my joys?
Yes, sometimes.
I'd not toss money out the window, not leave the outer doors
Agape when the heat is running. Nor would I use my white blouse
To wipe a grape juice spill. That would be silly.
Yet I'm learning still to be a wise and better overseer of
My hours.
My days.
My moments.
I will not have a chance to call 'do-over' on any day once passed.
There's always tomorrow - (until there isn't that is....)
Note to self:
Make better choices, more often
With those hours that
 Issy ~  November 2012

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Every Four Years

Once, every four years, the governmental system pauses. It waits. It listens. It listens to hears our voice. The voice of each of us, counting in the final tally. The system is obliged to hear and honor our choice. Our choice as individuals, as a collective, as a country, as a people.

This is a gift, won and maintained by honor and sacrifice - from the servicemen & women, to those who won the vote for women and minorities, to the diligent efforts of each and every polling staff - standing by, waiting.

Today we each matter, we each carry the honor of the very concept this country was founded upon ~ the freedom to choose, without fear, who will lead our country.

Please, please vote.

PS This just seen online and all I can say is: Go Chrysler!
(If only more employers could/would aid the pres. voting process)
The auto manufacturer's vice president of
design at Chrysler tweets:
Chrysler gave its entire work force the day off to Vote Today! Let's go! #America
@RalphGilles via Twitter for iPhone

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

On All Hallows, Always

Each Hallows of my life
I shall stand for a moment, silently, amid the power of nature
And acknowledge her wisdom ~ respect her power.
Each Hollows my heart beats
I shall pause, remembering with honor, my ancestors.
Their lessons thru the ages, now mine,
As mine will  pass one day into the future.
Each hollows that I again gaze upon the last October night
The full and perfect moon above, icon of magic and mystery
I will marvel at things known only to those of ancient ways
Each Hallows as the earth gives the last of her gifts
Turning towards her harsher, harder side
Until she brings Spring again
I will pause
Pause to remember, to celebrate, to understand that I am 
One single thread within the fabric of time.
Within the ancient traditions
Of earth and sky, fire and water.
Charged with the gift of another year
Of striving. Learning. Sowing kindness.
Until Samhain arrives upon the calendar of days once again.
And once again I am reminded of precisely
How important ~ and unimportant ~ I am ~ amid it all
Single thread in the fabric that I am...

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Gratefully, Luckily Safely Thru Hurricane Sandy

First, thanks SO much to those who emailed
to check on me and the old girl - it meant more than I could say...
I'll be catchin up on email replies these next few days - but reading
your notes brought warmth and strength to the past few days.
Fate was kind.
Tho I'm certain this isn't the first fierce
storm the old girl and her barn have survived, it was still
a long and tense few days as Sandy passed thru.
Heavy HEAVY non-stop rain began Sunday and has just now
ceased (Tues evening). Monday was the worst of it - horizontal rain
with steady winds, gusting to 70 (tho not sustained at that rate).
A walkabout tonite found nothing major amiss with the farmhouse, barn, woodlands
outbuildings or neighbors all safe. Not even a loss of electric. My immediate and area counties in NY were spared every large and small heartbreak that so many others in the US are coping with.....
And even as I whisper thanks to the powers of nature for leaving me unharmed I know how lucky I am to be on the finished side of this storm no worse the wear other than a lack of sleep.
So - Monday Museday is of course quite delayed - but I'll have it posted soon
(I was saving battery power on the laptop just in case the power did go)
I hope each of you who reads/comments here, each important to me,  are doing well
and this finds you safe. If not, if you are facing hardship and heartbreak, I'm keeping you close in thought and heart and wishing I could do so much more...
Back soon.....

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Thanks To The Cranky Crow! Introducing Miss Oct 31st!

Once upon a time in the land of Nod
A wonderfully kind and prim Crow
(Who is not in any way cranky, lol)
Offered to all the surrounding kingdoms
A game of chance...
Within which each held the hope
Of winning an amazingly winsome
And wonderful All Hallows
With longing and hope
I tossed my name into the
Cauldron amid the many...
I hoped as I clicked 'post' on the comment
That placed me amid the game.
Yet not one to often win such games of chance
 I said to my ever-loyal office familiar
"I'll not win, but what fun to follow as this
Exquisite Giveaway Unfolds"!
But to my great and unexpected joy I found, that whilst away
from my computer, fate had smiled upon me! I (yes I!) had won!
With no delay, Crow dispatched the parcel containing
Miss October 31 to my distant farm....
As I gently and happily opened the parcel
my eyes were greeted with gala gingham and prim wrappings!
But wait.. What did my eyes see? NUMEROUS gifts from the
dear and generous crow!

First may I introduce the heart-stealing
(and already deeply treasured!)
Miss October 31st Prim Doll
She is already making friends and the old girl (the farm)
simply adores her - as do I! Thank you Robin!
But wait.....
There remained more for crow and I to spy
(with our four beadie eyes) lol
 remaining still, tucked within our parcel?
A delicate circle woven wreath of ancient design
Two wonderful hand made soaps! (with labels created by the crow herself)
And within the last bit of tissue, a sumptuously scented candle!
Below, a closeup of crows labels wrapped 'round the soaps...

And while my crow attempted to make away with the
ancient circle for himself, I intercepted and retrieved!
(You know crows with items that catch their fancy, lol)
Crow may believe this will be his, but he is oh-so-incorrect, lol

I am at a loss for the proper words to sufficiently thank you Robin, Dearest Cranky Crow...
These gifts, each and every, imprinted your kindness and generosity and care upon my heart!
Miss October 31st will be part of my farm, my home each and every day
(tho shall we make the 31st here birthday)?!
The ancient, woven, earth-wreath already hangs in a place special to me...
The soaps and candle, already in use will soon arrive at their inevitable end - but will always be recalled with a smile.
Indeed, no words could thank you sufficiently so I will say, simply but with a full & appreciative heart

PS the delay in this post was intentional - I wanted to be sure the trips to OZ and 'lil crows surgery and initial days of recovery were behind you Robin before I posted this for everyone to see and enjoy - especially you  :-)  Hugs! Issy


Friday, October 26, 2012

While I Studiously Avoid Politics Here 2

I know, I know I continue to write this title then go on to write about issues being pounded upon in this election.  I know I risk annoying at least and angering at worst some of you who I visit here, who I respect and think of as friends.......

But to be truthful I believe what draws me back to this topic is that it is about more than rape and abortion and contraception and religion. It is a large invasion into the personal rights for women. It is about equality and domination. It is about civil rights Life style rights and choices.

Hear me when I say that aside from my intense abhorrence of ANYone, man or woman dictating to me what I may or may not do with my body, dictating the direction of my life, forcing me into a non-choice pregnancy that would impact me for the ENTIRE remainder of my life (even if thru rape or incest cause I'm certain my body isn't smart enough to know how to 'shut that down') I fear  even worse.

I fear for return to the quasi-Medieval perception of women.  I've been viewing the mini-series world without end by Ken Follet (wonderfully executed if you enjoy historical based works as I do).  Watching a time when women were considered items for barter, married off for male gain, with NO rights, with less value than livestock is shocking to women of our time period. Yet think how recently we won the vote as females. Consider how recently we won the choice to control our own reproductive bodies. Check the dates to see how long it took us to be considered for high level posts in companies and government. Or to become fighter pilots. Or any damn thing we choose to become within our skill and determination. And if achieving those goals necessitates (in each womans opinion for herself) delaying family or more then who is any man or woman or government policy to say no?

I am honestly, for the first time in my life, fearful that we could as women lose so much more.

Will at some point we be denied consideration for employment as doctors, lawyers or in the armed forces?  Will we be advised that we are not properly skilled to home school our children? Will we face a denial when desiring to start, run or own a business? Before this election and the Republican statements I hear continually I'd have laughed at the idea of such constraints. I'm not laughing now.

I have always thanked the powers that be that I live in this country because it respected the intellect, rights, career choices, child rearing (such as home education) right to choose of women to name only a few.  A country that valued the vast and varied contributions of women. I can be a mother (or not), a lawyer or an astronaut. A wife (or not), a teacher (at home or in in a school or college).  I can get a tattoo! lol  I can control my destiny. Set my goals. Sail my ship. Climb my mountain (or molehill).  I want the same for sisters, daughters, grandmothers. For all the generations to follow.

I don't claim all Republicans are determined to derail these choices - but those who respect women aren't saying anything to set those who DO seem to want to control me straight. And I'll be honest, R & R and their blatant non-separatist take on church and state horrify me. Separation of church and state was part of what our gov was founded upon.  I fear ANYONE else setting the standards for my personal beliefs be they reproductive or otherwise.

I grant you, no administration or leader or company or person is without flaws.

But when a group (any group) begins to circle and snarl and nip at my core personal rights, and those of women who are young now and those yet to come I see that as more than a flaw. I see that as a threat - a threat far larger than one single issue such as contraception/abortion. 

Always consider the larger view, the bigger picture.  And more so this election if you ask me.

Thanks for reading - follow your heart of course as you vote, as you live your life each day. That's the point of this entire post. My goal in writing this is to be sure we all continue to be able to do just  that as women - to choose and follow our own beliefs, choices, hearts, dreams.

Don't allow anyone - elected official, political party line, supreme court appointment - to take the direction of your life, your choices, away from you, from me, from us, from the future generations of women in the coming four years.....

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Which Is Funnier?

What could possibly be funnier than watching a woman
who has chosen to run to the mailbox  in her flamingo pants,
white sox and untied shoes  in the pouring rain?
My flamingo pants.
Often worn for long sessions
 of book writing
( or pizza eating)
Watching her run back, full speed when she hears a car coming!
(sometimes I am too dumb for words, lol)

Monday, October 22, 2012

Monday Muse Day Number 6

Four random pictures
from the homestead, picked today
Do they whisper something to you?
Will you share here what they say?!

Views Around The Farm Fields, Farmhouse, Barn
Just a bit of wool gathering, a bit of fun really :-)
If you'd like to join in, share a single word
(the first that comes to mind or otherwise)
that you think of when you see this picture montage....
Just One word.
(or more if you prefer)!!!
Perhaps a single word from a book or poem title?
Or one word snipped from a memory, or an impression, or emotion.
Easy Peasy - Just One Single Word.
I hope you'll join in and leave your "word" in the comments

on this, the next Monday Muse-day !
(PS Subscribe to comments to see everyones word, including mine
which I leave later in the week so as not to influence anyones first impression)

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Striving To Be Like Charlotte

She had promised Wilbur she was going to save his life and Charlotte was determined to keep her promise. Day after day, she hung from her web and waited patiently for an idea to come to her.   ~Charlotte’s Webb~

There are moments when I suspect the standard measure of success and failure is a bit off....
I say this because there are times, circumstances, events that are beyond control, outside
our reach of determined influence.

It set me thinking of Charlotte ~ and that success (or failure) ~ should also consider and count effort. The depth of  intensity, determination and perseverance extended. Outcome may be beyond reach. But if a person truly sets a goal, does his/her deepest 'best effort' (and you know in your heart if it's aye or nay) with courage and commitment shouldn't there be a rung on the ladder of success/failure for heartfelt intention and efforts? 

I see/hear/read the words of so many very very good people who do all they can with all they have to repair problems of all ilks for themselves and for others. But if the end result/outcome is beyond their efforts no matter how determinedly they have fought, they count themselves to have failed.

It haunts me, this clear divide of success and failure, this either/or, with no accounting for nor nod to the beauty of intention, for grace of the effort, for the care and concern that still surround and comfort those in need of aide (or to the credit of those who step up) even if the goal remains elusive or unattained.

There is something I can't quite capture in words about "the Charlottes'" of the world ~ those who stand steadfast beyond strength and reason for themselves, for others, for causes.  Their determination, their dogged persistence to see thru a promise made, to do what is right, what is best when needed.

Charlottes' posses kindness and courage of the heart.

No matter how small the selfless act, the truth is that any time you reach beyond yourself it's not small.  Every effort to do the right thing, outcome be damned, in your own world matters (if to no one but yourself). Even the smallest of effort or care on the behalf of another (should) count because it happened. There should be some verbiage inbetween success and failure to signify standing tall, strong and honorable in your own life regardless of whether the goal was/was not achieved. There need be, I believe, something that denotes someone having picked up the banner of kindness and having taken action (successful or not) because they cared about something/someone besides themselves.

Yes. There should be something that rests between success and failure. A concept and word that denotes effort, honor, kindness, outward giving even when the goal remains unachieved.

Tho I'm uncertain it will ever be so, there is one thing I am certain of... And that is this:
I'm striving (daily) to become more like Charlotte.

Thursday, October 11, 2012


Part of the farm woodlands

I've spent a great deal of time since buying the farm, arriving battled and broken, pondering emotions. Fear is one of them. Such a primal emotion, so intense and undying if left to it's own devices. It has an endless and ever-evolving lifespan. How easy it is to step from one fear to the next. And if by some fluke there's no immediate panic of you own you'll soon be presented with a variety via news, public place conversation, family, coworkers, friends. Often well meaning yet (IME) devastating to quality of life if absorbed on a steady, frequent basis.

There is a vast difference between people sharing difficult worry or events, discussing options, comforting one another, seeking solutions and the general, ongoing fear I'm refering to. What is odd about most fear that obsesses people if allowed to (myself included) is that it isn't personal event related. Rather it's woven of vague possibilities or lack of control - brought to attention by politics or commercials or facebook or weather stations or newspapers or such. Worst of all this sort of fear seems to reject any and all possible solution.

Like an itch that can't be scratched away, fear seems to endlessly replicate and as humans we drift (in many instances) towards allowing it to sit in the drivers seat - either by ignoring possible options - or if no solution is visible - letting it grip us rather than resist the damage it inflicts.

I know - I do. For years it ruled me with wild abandon. I'd hate to count the cumulative time I allowed it to steal from me (thinking of the potentially calm or happy hours it consumed) because I allowed it to. Handed it the keys. Opened the door to the drivers side of my mind. Then I seated myself in the passenger seat. As fear floored it, speed racing with my mind, dodging truth, avoiding solutions, hanging two wheels off the cliff edge of sanity, I remained in the passenger seat (without even buckling my seatbelt).

When the farm and I found each other people began to share with me how fearful they were that it was an ill advised idea (the farm) sharing their (well intentioned) fears. I was afraid. My checkbook was scared sh*tless. Banks and insurance companies were hysterical. Complete strangers feared for me (and shared their fears with me). I sensed I had to choose. Choose between giving the 'drivers keys' to fear and sitting meekly thru endless wild rides in my mind. OR I could begin to drive myself - at least some of the time. I chose the latter and it was, I hate to admit, a good deal more difficult to do than to say. As I began repairing the farm, putting her back together, I was determined to rebuild myself. Repairing both of us, to better than when we'd started  .

I began to watch less  (eventually little to no) news.  Cancelled the paper. Saw less of (or paid less heed to)  those who 'feared for me and my choices'. Because after all, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Tho the best help to me EVER in controlling fear (and I'd have it tatooed if I weren't a wimp, lol) is:  if you keep doing the same thing you've always done, you'll continue to get the same results you've always gotten.  Brilliant and true! I added new behaviours to combat fear, about something actual or imagined. When I'd wake up in the night in a cold sweat I'd make lists, look for solutions, beat fear back with a stick. I'd choose and try something, ANYthing to defeat what I was fearing because action IS control - results aside - doing SOMEthing is better than nothing (another newsflash for me, lol).

Little by little I gained ground against fear, useless lout that he is. At  least now he had to ASK for the keys. It was a start.  In the weeks, months and years that followed I began to teach myself to carefully choose (or avoid when appropriate) fear inducing interactions/events/input. Again I must stress, I'm not refering to listening or sharing real life concerns or problem solving but rather the vague-y, dark cloud-y, soap opera-ish, stock market-y, pharmaceutical-y, insurance-ish, chickenlittle-y sort of fear.

These days, I struggle still. Part of life. Part of living. Part of growing.
(what's that saying? If you're not a little afraid you need to try something new! lol)
But more days are calm, productive, content.  More hours are spent seeking solutions than worrying in a circle of indecision. More nites are filled with tired well earned sleep.

Best of all, while I haven't gotten fear out of the car altogether, I do have him locked in the trunk....

So many emotions in life - so many good ones. 
Try to move fear to the bottom of the list (or into the trunk!) whenever you can.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Monday Muse-Day Number 5

                                                         Four random pictures
from the homestead, picked today
Do they whisper something to you?
Will you share here what they say?!
Just a bit of wool gathering, a bit of fun really :-)
If you'd like to join in, share a single word
(the first that comes to mind or otherwise)
that you think of when you see this picture montage....
Just One word.
(or more if you prefer)!!!
Perhaps a single word from a book or poem title?
Or one word snipped from a memory, or an impression, or emotion.
Easy Peasy - Just One Single Word.
I hope you'll join in and leave your "word" in the comments
on this, the next Monday Muse-day !
(PS Subscribe to comments to see everyones word, including mine
which I leave later in the week so as not to influence anyones first impression)

Sunday, October 7, 2012

There Are Blue Fish Flying In My Woods

I learned (quite early in my life) that I was drawn to, amused by, valued, and required things that were quite different from most other people I knew - something that has not changed. Except perhaps to have become moreso over the decades.

Teachers fretted (in writing even!) that I was too much of a loner. Counselors feared for me as I was too much of a day-dreamer (I was moved to the front row AWAY from the windows - often - to deter daydreaming lol).Gym teachers feared I was too thin and non-athletic (I still despise mandated exercise but continue to outlast anyone in any physical demand or event that intrigues me or needs to be accomplished by my hands).

I have always held close to my heart: nature, spirits, crows, signs, messages, karma, the woods and the sea. I've a fondness for unicorns and mermaids, truth be told. Frogs, crickets, owls are friends of mine. I struggle with humanity as a whole. I trust slowly. People I grow to trust and love have my fondness and my loyalty forever.

See? Not so much of the common/average/expected in my personality weave.

Quirky is a descriptor often connected to me in conversations.

And that pleases me - because being who you are is both a skill and an adventure - and with luck endures thru your entire existence. Who would I be now if I'd attempted to alter myself to please or appease the teachers, gym coaches, associates, acquaintances, neighbors, strangers, family, clients,  (tho well meaning many were in their concern and advice)....

These days, when I walk my acres at the farm and arrive at the place where all the blue fish hang I think of the day I hung them there. Swimming in air, high on a hill, hundreds of miles from the sea. I pause. I smile. Without doubt, not unlike my 'woodland blue-fish' I've always been different, yet exactly who I wanted to become, exactly who I was meant to be.

And if I were to wish for one gift for friend and foe alike it would be to seek, find, and be true to their own blue fish, swimming in air, amid their own woods....

Monday, October 1, 2012

Monday-MuseDay #4 !

Four random pictures
from the homestead, picked today
Do they whisper something to you?
Will you share here what they say?!
Just a bit of wool gathering, a bit of fun really :-)
If you'd like to join in, share a single word
(the first that comes to mind or otherwise)
that you think of when you see this picture montage....
Just One word.
(or more if you prefer)!!!
Perhaps a single word from a book or poem title?
Or one word snipped from a memory, or an impression, or emotion.
Easy Peasy - Just One Single Word.
I hope you'll join in and leave your "word" in the comments
on this, the next Monday Muse-day !
(PS Subscribe to comments to see everyones word, including mine
which I leave later in the week so as not to influence anyones first impression)

Saturday, September 15, 2012

The Feel Of A Day

I was wondering today, as I often do, precisely what it is that makes
the  feel  of a day vary?  Much the same way in
which time seems to flow by differently.

Fact and science tell us that it is the same number of hours in each day.
The weather may prove to be exactly the same on two days that feel different.
And it's rarely tethered to any significant events, challenges, or crisis.
Nor to any enjoyed specific activity or occasion.
Oddly, I sense it more on average sorts of days.

A day will simply feel differently than others - akin to a subtle flavor variation in food. Time will seem to fly or stall or be 'just right' based upon a scale I cannot pin. Yet, at the risk of overusing a single word, lol the feel, the tone, of a day or the flow  of the hours therein varies.  For no reason I can grasp I can clearly delineate the change of essence (if that makes any sense at all).

The feel of a day, the sense of how time flows alters in
my world. It's a fascinating, curious, mysterious
part of the days as they stroll by me....

Is it so for you too?

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

A Farmer Parable

A  Parable

Long ago the story was first told of a farmer who worked his fields.  He had little money and only a single horse for plowing. One afternoon his horse ran away. Everyone who knew him said, “what a horrible thing to happen.” The farmer replied, “we’ll see.”

Several days later his horse returned accompanied by two wild horses. Everyone who knew him now exclaimed  “What a lucky man!”  The farmer replied “we’ll see.”

Later in the week the young son of the farmer attempted riding one of the wild horses but it bucked him off breaking his leg. Everyone shook their heads and said “poor fellow!” The farmer simply said, “we’ll see.”

The day following the accident, the army arrived in the farmers small village seeking to draft recruits. Upon seeing the son had a broken leg  they passed him by for recruitment. Everyone said “such a fortunate young man".

The farmer smiled and, as he always did, said yet again “we’ll see.”

I've always loved this parable. It reminds me that life, luck, and destiny shift and alter. Things are seldom exactly as the appear - what may seem to be a disaster is the seed of an answer. What may seem perfect in fact isn't.  Reality dances.

Above all life isn't static, but instead a journey.  Flexibility and perspective are everything.....

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Monday Muse-Day Is Back! Number 3

Slightly early lol but I wanted to be sure to have it here awaiting your visits on Monday
Four random pictures
from the homestead, picked today
Do they whisper something to you?
Will you share here what they say?!
Just a bit of wool gathering, a bit of fun really :-)
If you'd like to join in, share a single word
(the first that comes to mind or otherwise)
that you think of when you see this picture montage....
Just One word.
(or more if you prefer)!!!
Perhaps a single word from a book or poem title?
Or one word snipped from a memory, or an impression, or emotion.
Easy Peasy - Just One Single Word.
I hope you'll join in and leave your "word" in the comments
on this, the next Monday Muse-day !
(PS Subscribe to comments to see everyones word, including mine
which I leave later in the week so as not to influence anyones first impression)

Saturday, September 8, 2012

While I Studiously Avoid Politics Here...

This is a happy place for me (and hopefully for you who visit also, lol)
Thus politics and policy, amid my opinion on such, rarely make an appearance here.
This however speaks, I believe, to an issue which has no sides ~ or all sides.
It has been making the rounds of the internet - sadly with no authorship information I can locate -  as
I would LOVE to give credit to the intellect that drafted this!

No doubt one could easily slide this I'm about to share into a dark and argumentative place.
Please don't (at least not here, lol)

My point of view on this is this:

Since I was old enough to grasp and direct what my physical being needed or preferred I've stood strongly on the side of it being my choice to dictate the scope of all pertaining to my physical being.
Needs to be met, such as: hot, cold, tired, hungry, in pain.
Emotions occurring, such as: happy, sad, angry, frustrated.
Illnesses to be treated ~ or not.
To have children ~ or not.
To have a glass of wine or a beer ~ or not.
To consume healthy food ~ or not (rather often) lol
To consume twinkies ~ quite often (note: good with beer, lol)

I hold dear the concept and application that this little bit of real estate
comprised of water and bone, flesh and insanity should remain withing and under
MY control, my direction, as after all I abide and exist within.
I feel quite strongly that I am best qualified to choose my options.
(which at times differ from even those I love and who love me not to mention the world at large).
So you can imagine I'm not inclined to casually sign off on ANYone or ANYthing that slinks towards curtailing my ability to choose and direct my own rung of choice and destiny upon the ladder of life.

With that preamble (and one last request to read/view in the spirit shared) I give you

Thursday, September 6, 2012

"Farm" Teaches Me ~ Different Meaning Of A Word

The Barn In A Rare Rain
All of my life I have loved words.
They have given me knowledge, insight, skill(s), history, comfort, challenge, stability. I am one of the geeks who can't contain my joy when the new year of 'word for each day' calenders arrive each December! lol  I admit to being one of those who flips thru the dictionary and thesaurus as a recreational activity (yes, really).

I adore the dance of word & phrase, painting visuals with the colors of the alphabet, applied with the aid of pen, paper, typewriter, keyboard. Books written by others are old and trusted friends. Most found filled with notes I've added from each reading. Pages marked during each search for fact, truth or answers to the unanswerable.

The way it has ever and always been.

Then came the farm. Nature observed. Reality on steroids.
Not stock market and fashion, but rainfall and rain-fail.
In your face - it's up to you - kind-of-reality.
And initially, a new bevy of words. From tractor technical to crop cultivating. An immediate "need to know" new vocabulary. But with time, as I was receptive and ready the farm began to teach me the more subtle, intricate word meaning lessons...

Take the word brooding. 
PF (pre farm) I (and the world) assigned it a fairly singular undesirable meaning. Catagorized it as a negative word. Akin to moody, depressing, oppressive, even obsessive, dark, difficult.

But when the Farm began to speak of chickens - brooding chickens - the meaning altered remarkably.
Suddenly, magically, brooding/broody becomes about goals, dreams, future.  "Farm speak" brooding describing hens that are sitting on eggs in their nest. Things hoped for. Things yet to be.

I understand now that to 'brood' is also: to pay attention, to care for, to aspire to future outcome. Progress. Planning. Working, heart & soul (and feathers if you're a chicken, lol) towards creating your future. Day by week by month by aching back and cup of coffee thru storm and sun as you plan and sometimes as you do not plan.

The farm shows me the lessons of the broody hen. Dedication, tending and waiting with no guaranteed outcome. I may patiently brood my nest of egg-ideas-plans-dreams and have no chicks. Or I may have significant success. Or a mix of some success amid some loss. But there would be no success without the attempt without the brooding. I've learned (and continually re-learn) the efforts must be based on the goal, the dream, the hoped for future outcome. The effort can not be based on controlling the outcome, or any guarantee. The farm continues to help me grasp the truth that life is comprised of goals and gifts amid hard work (brooding). But not on guarantees. Never on guarantees. Life, like nature, is far too fluid for guarantees. Work hard and long with hope and anticipation ~ not with expectation, righteous demand ,entitlement or attempts at dictating outcome.
*Leave the attitude at the barn and farmhouse door*

The farm, teacher that she is continually expands her role in my life education.
Right down to the expanded meaning and life-application of
my beloved

What cleverness and insight walks amid these fields and woods, barns and grain bins. One hundred and forty two years of the past, the present and the future pause while I observe and and learn these lessons from this farm.

Another excerpt from 'the book'  :-) copyright FIDF 2012If you'd like to know when the book becomes available contact me via the blog profile and I'll add your email to the notify list

Saturday, September 1, 2012

The Wonderful Time Of The Year

I know for many that rings true of Christmas/New Year, but not so in my heart. The easy contentment and richness of August to September to October, ah yes... The light alters. Every living thing bows and curtsies with respect and appreciation. The fields mature. The breezes and crickets sing oh-so-slightly-differently.  The very last sigh of summer will be audible as she relinquishes her domain to Fall. For me, this cusp of August to September holds the true deep magic within the march of the twelve months. This is where and when the moments of reflection and evaluation occur for me.....

Summer is serious. Speaking ever and always of what must be done. Plan! Do! Grow! Tend! Weed! Move! Move! Move! Paint! Plan! Back-up Plan! Water! Open Windows! Calculate! Close Windows! Progress Progress PROGRESS! "You Can Rest Come Fall" summer chants to me. Winter is hard and harsh in spirit it seems. The line twixt life and ever-sleep is far too thin for my liking. Life and limb require 'ner ending vigilant attention. Spring is jubilant, yet immature, obsessed, unruly. I love her well. But she stands upon the second rung of my heart...

Because these few weeks whilst sweet August ends and September is new ~ Ah, this is the hum of the universe for me. The plateau I rest upon as I survey my year. My heart. My dreams and clever or ill fated schemes. This time which is neither Summer nor Fall holds the earned and gifted moments of easy fulfilled contemplative transition.

Repair sail, reset compass, reprovision. Dream.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

So, where did we leave off....?!?

Ah yes, I had wandered off (in the literal and figurative sense) for much needed
muddling, mulling and mucking my way thru a great deal of non-life-threatening
but heart wrenching angst, longing for a sign of some sort or another....

The back story?
Short and sweet (or as sweetly as I'm able right now, lol)
is that for a very long time when my paint brush was still and my heart was open
and amid the moments the farm hasn't been a whirlwind of calamity, lol
I've poured my heart and thoughts, observations and reactions into a manuscript of our story.

The story she and I share. Of how this old farm and I saved each other.
She and I and a cast of many, many others. It's a simple, funny, somewhat (hopefully) insightful tale of how life will sometimes go miserably wrong thru no fault of your own.  Events beyond your control will leave you helpless - short of starting over & beginning a whole new life from the ground up. The series of kindnesses, heartaches, victories, and coincidences that occurred again and again. Each a piece of the story with so many surprises along the way.

A tiny little book that I never (ever) intended to be 'significant' although it mattered greatly to me. I think that for years it has been my therapy (as much as the farm itself), my journal, and my solace. I hoped that perhaps my little book would encourage or cheer or amuse a handful of other like minded souls. I thought some out there would be interested in what it was like to rehab a hopeless old farm. And barn. And tractor. Or maybe there were others that, like me, had their life-plan destroyed and left in need of a rebuild because of unbidden changes. On my more self-critical days I thought maybe someone would decide to read it just because they liked its odd title or the still-only-an-idea-in-my-mind book cover lol.  Best of all I was on track for sending it out into the world to share with others.

But a new footnote was added to the story when a couple of weeks back when I learned that a verbal commitment and a confirmation of intent do not a reliable commitment make....
As it was explained to me: the current dynamic shift in market & sales from print publications in favor of e-publishing (which we currently do not offer) has forced us to re-evaluate all pending & intended but non-contractual commitments (which was, of course, very much within their rights).  So within steps of the finish line, amid typing out the last chapter and edits, the door was closed. And how foolish of me not to have forseen this possibility. How naive. Sad, frustrated and I admit, angry, I found myself left with nothing but the closing words:
"As we continue to feel your work holds merit we encourage you to pursue e-publishing your manuscript thru a suggested e-publisher or personally "

Ah yes, indeed.
Do I seek to re-sub to the 'suggested e-publisher' and begin that dance once again?
Or self publish?
And if only I had the vaguest notion or any experience of how to e-publishand then e-market, and then, and then... 
(well you see where all the pondering came to be necessary).

Many walks, much research, more walks and ok I confess a tiny little bit of
feeling sorry for myself with a side of feeling stupid for not requiring a firm commitment ensued for a couple of weeks. All the while wondering what was best, right up to and including scrap heaping the little book all-together. No option was off the table.

And then....

Then the almost funny 'sign' appeared one day in the old farmhouse laundry room.
The wind was WILD that day, from an odd direction. The curtain flapped and sailed in the relentless wind as tho it were intent on battering me. It was in the 90's and far to hot to close the window. I have no curtain retainer hook or pull back on this huge curtain as it seldom moves so I had no way to restrain it as it pummelled me! lol.  As I employed an 'alternate solution' I saw my signal, my sign.
And I took a picture to show you, even as my mind was saying
When the unexpected happens, the best solution lies in what you can do for yourself

So, as of this writing I have to once and for all decide if this tiny book of mine about a little farm in a little valley that has taught me so much about life and myself and has made me laugh and cry and grow is worthy of pursuing. Worthy of learning how to e-publish on my own, so I can hold the reins.  

The farm and I have learned together to do many MANY things I never thought I'd be able to do in my entire life. The question is, should e-pub-pursuing the little book of 'our story' be one more????

*Thank you SO much for each and every comment/email of encouragement and concern shared yesterday and
before. Your input, thoughts and caring have been (and are)  of more comfort and value than I could ever tell each of you!*

Friday, August 24, 2012


I'll be back with a post tomorrow!
Many thanks to everyone who's sent along words of encouragement
concern and cheer as I've muddled and mulled.
I count myself lucky x a million for each of you
for each comment or email.
Especially considering it was a crisis of the heart and not a life crisis.
I'm amazed and grateful for your kindness.
The cloud is an amazing place (for a 'non-place'! lol)

Thank you

More soon!
(and it's a back to cheerful more soon)   :-)

Thursday, August 9, 2012


My apology for having missed Monday Muse-Day this week

I won't lie. Recent days have been intense and unsettling.
Decisions to be sorted, approaches to be considered.
Actions, re-actions and emotions to be
evaluated, bridled and reined in, down to a functional gallop
(rearing and snorting render no progress down the trail).

  I wish there were 'signs'
direct, straight-forward indicators
advising me of the best course at such

I'd love some indicator(s) to assist as I choose
 direction, action, words, tone, bonding, severing
facial expression, solutions(s), bribe, threat? (lol),
commitment, abandonment, encourage-discourage-ment.
Rally the forces, go it alone, stop, proceed, turn 180, turn 360,
scrap an idea, an entire project, scrap the naysayers, scrap some relationships,
confront, avoid be angry, annoyed? Be relieved, released.
Refocus? Redirect?
Responsibility? Resolution? Reconstitution? 

 (as in the personal variety)

You know, I need only a subtle sign from the universe...
That would be astoundingly helpful.
 Because there are times, there are situations,
there are dynamics vectored in such a way
that it is simply impossible to even guess the 
the correct choice - in both practical terms
and karmic terms...

A low-key straight-forward
sign from the universe.
That's what I need...

So, if I'm a bit absent from 'woman seeking' it's only due to the fact
 I'm out walking, pondering, considering, 'sign-seeking' ...
Amid the woods and fields, within the old barn timbers.
I'll seek a word with the sparrows and crows.
Excellent consultants, one and all....

Wish me luck

**nothing health related or dreadful afoot,
so to those who would worry don't.
Tis all life/work/interaction/decisions related.
Maddening but (happily) not threatening
(except to my sanity :-) **

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Elements Of Visual Texture

Cities, towns and suburbs are defined by certain
visual elements. Concrete, glass, asphalt, plastic wood.
Linear, geometric, precise, angular.

Farms and ag districts are defined by wide array of ever changing
visual elements. Without doubt concrete, glass, wood are major aspects
of many old farm houses and barns. Yet there's also softer
visually random rubble stone, cobblestone and dry stack stone in walls
and foundations. Far from linear, geometric or angular - tho precision
of skill and placement is essential if they are to survive.
So even at 'ground level' the visual input on the farm differs.

 The true sirens' song of ever changing visual textural beauty on the farm
belongs to the fields and woodlands. Alongside livestock and crop planting
nature creates her own vignettes. Painting the paths with grasses tall and soft
or waxed and shining in the sun. Wildflowers that mock my efforts to 'garden'.
 Rock strewn paths that have been part of this farm since the 1800's are the work
of nature and time. Color, texture, depth of contrast ~ mossy rockery, species mixes abound. There are hundred and hundred of variations on these acres. Shape and color variants are too numerous to count.
From a vibrant splash of color in the wild berries to deer runs. Varied shapes of animal tracks, domestic and wild decorate the stream mud and the sheltered woods. Deep and verdant green in the tree and rock moss. Endless shape, size, types of large rock along the paths, amid the wood lots.
Some moved, located by those who farmed or grazed the land generations before my time. Some randomly arranged in ancient glacial days and never (ever) touched or altered.
In the years I've walked, worked, rested, explored, sought center and dreamed on this farm I've discovered that time is another 'texture' that is a visual element on the farm....

Less angular, geometric, reflective.
More soft, swaying, seasonal.
Always changed, yet ever the same.
Flowing yet static, stable.

Perhaps, all combined, what I see here is the visual texture of time?

Friday, August 3, 2012


Drippingly hot temperatures yet again today led me to take a
drive along the shady country back roads. There's no lack of shade
at the farm, but windows wide open at 55mph provides a
much higher volume of air movement. And depending upon how
strong or weak willed I am there's the possibility of stopping for
ice cream on the way home from such a drive....

Zipping along I noticed a simple sign - nothing more than sale today
with an arrow. On a whim I followed and arrived within moments
at a tiny but charming 'town center' - a town whose name ended with

Isn't if curious (and lovely) how many towns are something-villes?
Shortsville, Mechanixville, Bartonsville
Always rings warm, friendly, pleasant to me.
A bit down the road I found the sale ~ under ancient old maple trees
the shade and treasure beckoned, come hither.  The gentleman in charge
was charming, talkative and happy. We exchanged a bit of banter and then
I strolled the tables overflowing with interesting bits.

My favorite spot was the 10 cent table
Indeed, perfect items for ten cents each
He shared stories about several of the items I'd chosen
his weather worn face smiling, he's eyes alight with memories.

With my arms around a dusty old cardboard box overflowing with
wonderful 10 cent items I headed towards home. I thought how truly
grand it was to have come across someone smiling and friendly. 
I thought how nice it was he'd shared the memories of the pieces
he was passing on - those items & their stories now mine.  

Windows all down, driving back to the farm from something-ville
content and with treasure, I decided to skip the ice cream.
I'd already found  my 'treat' for the day.....

Hope your day held something 'treat-ish' too  :-)