Happiness Needs Hope

It may be very small things that go right

Search if you need to

But find some things

Find one thing

Find any reason to 

Give Hope 

To

Happiness....
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This year is overflowing with dragonflies

Ancient, magical, calming and mystical.

 

They seem ever-curious about my chores - yet their visits are always brief.

They pause for a moment to rest and share a gaze between us

Alighting upon the cool freshly washed damp sheets 

As I clothespin each piece on the sagging but beloved clotheslines.

 

I ask them were they've been? Where they're going? And I wish them well 

They dart away, towards the sun, the breeze, and the magical freedom of

Their life in the meadows and the woods and the sky....

 

Life I Mean...

It's all held safe in little squares, isn't it? 

Life I mean...

Square sturdy cribs and playpens to start

Then picket-y fenced in oh-so-safe-green-grass play yards

Sandboxes, red rider wagons

Those were the first squares, my foundation

Our first house. Our second, third and forth

Square rooms filled with ups and downs and happiness

We moved often as I grew 

I don't recall I ever minded

I was a (contented) solitary soul

Pink bedrooms, crust-less sandwiches, graham cracker snacks

With the memory of these

I wander back

To childhood

Letters, postcards from camp, to camp

Letters postcards from college, to college

We wrote to each other and back 

When I was out on my own
Lunches together were shared, as adults

Another square set atop those prior

Taller life grew

Wider, ever more amazing 

In so many ways

Cities seen, countries explored

Careers built, tentatively and tenuously

Several discarded in favor of other pursuits 

You never questioned, always encouraged my path

Another square set atop those prior

Pictures by the pound were taken all thru those decades

(how little I understood their true value as I focused each one in the viewfinder)

Tiny time machines

Rooms still surround me, square, here were I call home now

The warm familiar walls

The endless fields

Outside every window settles my soul

While I sit and peer at these square boxes of photos

And letters

We are in this world together still

Tho we won't be forever

Neither you

Nor I

 Another square set atop those prior

Such a dervish of emotions that reality stirs....

So thankful for what we've shared all thru my life

So heartbroken it can't go on forever

It's always been.
It was before us and will be for everyone after us

 Another square set atop those prior

It's time to gather up the squares

These pictures, these letters 

While my eyes glide across the walls of these rooms I've grown to love

I think of all the homes you've made, and moved and made again
The fields outside remind me of our square green yards, 

For some reason the scent of graham crackers comes to mind

(which makes me smile, to this day)

I'll see you tomorrow

And again for some uncounted, unknown number of days/months/years after 

We'll talk and laugh and care about each other

Agreeing or disagreeing - makes  no difference

Therein lies the best, the gift

Of all the years we've shared

 It's never depended on anything but our friendship and love

It's all held safe in little squares isn't it? 

Life I mean...

Homes and letters, days and lunches out shared
(but with crusts on the sandwiches lol)

Most of all it's all held in the corners

Of my heart and my mind

Each time we share a day together

Each time I ever will think of you

Always

Copyright ~ Issy May 2014

Whatever Works

I began my day just before 8am with a tense incoming phone call....
Once responded to and behind me I knew the best possible thing I could do was
head to the woods

Because honestly, I swear I can feel the damp soft timeless soil 

beneath my feet and the trees (tho still leafless) who tower above me 

drain the stress, anxiety and sadness away. 

 

Every time my foot connects with the earth, I can almost feel it draw

the worries and pressures away from me ~ 

were they go or how they dissipate from the soil to the universe I have no clue.

But however those trees, hills and earth manage it for me
it always, always works.

Magic indeed

Early this morning it was cool, windy and sunny. Clear and crisp.

The red wing blackbirds were full of themselves (as always, lol)

I spotted a tiny handful of early blooming bushes and mosses declaring themselves alive.

But for the most part it was the vistas and views seen only 'pre-leafing' that kept me company.

 The daffodils were waiting to say hello amid the leafless thatch that,

in summer will be a grand wild berry patch.....

No sounds aside from the birds, the breeze in the hundreds of trees and my thoughts.

When stress comes calling some meditate, some hit the snooze button, some rush to immerse themselves in work or family or any one of hundreds of things that people find best relieves stress
for themselves.

Me? I  'walk the woods' lol

Hope your day is a good one......

Behavior

 
Stepping back, resisting the (human) inclination to 

draw "conclusions" or 'pass judgement' 

about someones'
behavior
appearance
attitude
 actions,
or choices

is a

a monumental act of human kindness

It's not about them deserving it (or not)

It's not about you being right (or wrong)

 What it is, actually. is a gift you give 

to that person (family, friend, coworker, stranger)
It's a gift you give to the world at large
(one less negative bit of karma slinking around)

Maybe the bewildering/annoying/obnoxious people
 have a reason for
(fill in the blank with whatever they are doing that's annoying)
(or maybe they ARE just  total ass*oles) lol

Either way
May as well keep your eyes on your own paper 

Cause I'm pretty sure you're not gonna change the A*holes
 And if someone IS in the midst of a soul crushing crisis
Odds are there's little you can do
to alter how they're coping with whatever they may be facing

It's for sure not easy
I'll admit right here, right now that some days I do better than others lol
But I keep reminding myself of something I really do think is true:
 Any time you choose to take the higher road...

  it's a little bit of a gift you give yourself too

'just sayin......

Age, Social Security And AP

 

So lengthy the list, so many concerns that the world
holds to worry over...

 

The massive (and unexplained) right whale die off.
Perhaps only 500 remain.

(perhaps if we'd not allowed them to be whaled into near non-existence
as a society of humans they'd not now be imperiled)

An article published eight hours ago by AP exclaiming Social Security
and Medicare are quote: 'shifiting money from younger generations to older ones'

Perhaps it should be mentioned in the article just how many thousands of
dollars each working adult was obliged to pay into these programs
And now, much like a deposit bank account seek only to access those funds.
Not to live as royalty.
But to live modestly.
To avoid eating cat food
(did you know elders are one of the higher poverty groups)?

 

I wish the article would have mentioned that a large (and larger) portion
of each elders' Social Security payments are
dedicated to paying numerous taxes.

*school taxes (benefiting the young not the old)
*taxes for WIC and CHP (benefiting the young, not the old)

 

Monies that were deducted (from every single lifelong paycheck)
returned via Soc Sec payments pay county taxes and state taxes

for roadways, snow clearing, improvements
libraries, fire and police

Services that benefit young and older adults.
Some that benefit younger adults more.
Road use for example as non-retirees are on the roads more than retired adults.
Much of what Soc Sec payees continue to support with their small checks
assist young adults, building their lives, heading to work
shaping and living their lives as those, now older, did.

 

I deeply wish AP would have mentioned that those
who have reached the milestone of Soc Sec and Medicare
are simply (as promised) accessing  those funds
  demanded of them from a lifetime of paychecks.

The fact this current retiring generation is large means that
there is more need. It also means there was (for decade upon decade)
more taken in, gathered, collected, stockpiled than any other generation.
The math should work. We, the graying, had no control over how
the funds were managed, handled, invested, borrowed or otherwise controlled.

Getting older, being older, should not be a cause for blame.

We, inching our way closer to retirement who have done as demanded
paid and paid and paid. With the agreement it would be there for us at a
predetermined age. It shocks and wearies me to find AP (or any group)
pointing to the aging as the villains, harming the younger, by now being old.

Easy tho we are to 'blame'

 

These are the mornings, the days when I gather my camera and my thoughts

and walk among the trees and fields. The sprouting crops, the nesting birds.
The blooms.
 

No accusations are called out. The young animals move more quickly than the old.
Young mother cows, goats and birds feed their young. The older graze, looking on
now in a different phase of life.
Neither thinks itself better or worse, more or less of value.
They contentedly co-exist.

I love these acres, this farm, these truths.
The cycles of life are understood here.

No anger. 

Just each life taking its turn.

 

Every living thing grows older
Grows old
Grows weaker

Needs a bit of help

 

In animal nature, the younger of the herd, doesn't begrudge
the elders their share of green spring grass
or their spot in the shade of the trees in July.
Nor their place in the barn in the winter.
The elders don't blame the young that they will die
or become freezer food for winter. Or food bartered for firewood or
a tractor repair or seed or manure
for next spring.
 

How tragic it will be if that can not be said of humans. If the young and old do not each support the place in life that we both currently occupy without resentment.
 

In Patagonia they suspect that one of the reasons the right wales are dying
is because recently the gulls have taken to pecking (and consuming) the backs

of the right whales (adults and calves) when they rise for air.

There is no known reason the gulls do so. It's a new behavior.

There is enough food, enough space for the whales and the gulls according to
the marine biologists who study this cruel new gull behavior.

There is a proposition to kill the gulls

to save the right whale mothers and calves.

  

I worry. I hope.
For the right whales.

For the gulls.
For all ages of humans.

 

Right whales rise to breath air.
Gulls scavenge.
 Humans live a full life and grow older every day.
With luck we all do what nature intends and live a full life.

 

We're all part of the intertwined cycle.
Part of the circle.
None escape age.

 

I wish AP, journalists, communities, humans in general
would talk of and write about the entire journey of life.
Of compassion. Of seeking solutions rather than pitting
gulls against whales, young against old(er).

If only there were discussions regarding the full and entire truth.
Elder social support is essential because everyone is (eventually)
going to be older and move slower. Sleep more. See and hear less clearly.
Hope (and need) to step away from work
 (opening up a job for someone younger). 

There is a quote that says we are only as good, as worthwhile
as we treat animals, those in need, those weak, those young and helpless,

sick and infirm. To that I would add also, those of age.

 

Advanced age is a doorway each of you reading has walked thru
or is heading towards...
There is no sidestepping it.

Points to  ponder as we have the opportunity to influence
our government, our representatives.
Points to ponder as choices and votes on Soc Security and Medicare

are put forward. Decisions made now that will touch each of us.

  ~~~

Now I'm heading out with my camera to take some pictures
and find some peace.

 

Thanks for reading....

 

Happiness vs Contentment Peacock vs Wren



There is an endless search in the human heart (and on every bookshelf and late nite cable channel) to learn how to be, 'happy' - preferably (or laughably) all the time. What an odd thought. What a pointless quest.  Happy comes. Happy goes. It's transitory, elusive, uncommandable, uncontrollable.  Happiness is the rain, the birdsong, the unpredictable gift that arrives of it's own accord. Not scheduled, ordered, planned. Read all the self-help books you care to, you won't (IMHO) discover  the place happiness lives, allowing you to visit it any time you want.

Sad? Depressing? Angering? Hopeless?  Oh no, not at all.

Because tho I grant you it's only my opinion drawn from my thus-far life experience, it's easy to confuse happiness with contentment. Contentment, unlike happiness is something you can plant and grow in your mind, your heart, your outlook.

On any average day you won't necessarily find something to be 'happy about' but what you can (tragedy aside) always find in any average day are a lot of things to feel content about.

Waking up (for starters) because you have a new day ahead of you.

The smell of coffee brewing. The way the warm cup feels in your hands.
A moment, gazing out the window while you sip it.

A person in your life you love - any person - the details don't matter, do they?
A person in your life who loves you - any person, relationship, details unimportant
And if you are very truly lucky you love each other (not as common as one would think). Lots of people love someone who doesn't love them back the same way. Or at all. Or with the same depth. Again it doesn't really matter what relationship is - you and your mother/father/brother/sister/friend/husband/wife/child/boy/girlfriend.

It's the love not the relationship.

You'd be surprised (we'd all be surprised) at how very many people go thru life never loving or feeling loved or never feeling loved the same way they love someone.

If you have any or all of those sorts of love you have one of the best foundations of contentment.

Decide to do one thing in the day - just one thing - you feel good about.  Something at home, at work, in your community. For a neighbor, friend, family member, stranger. Doesn't have to be large or dynamic. Doesn't have to be noticed. The point is that it made you feel good. That it made you smile to yourself.  Contentment.

See how easy contentment is to find? Not like that primadonna happiness, lol

Of course you have to choose to find contentment too. Nothing (but nothing) (except maybe for bills lol) will just appear - and contentment is no different. But it abounds every day all day unlike happiness. Think wren vs peacock ratio.  How many wrens do you see in a day? How many peacocks?

There were days (oh there were more than days) I used to wonder why I didn't feel 'happy'. And it made me feel inadequate, sad, cheated, angry, empty, frustrated, pissed, misunderstood. When I decided to take my heart in hand and go a-seeking contentment my days became so full of things to count I was surprised. Surprised at all I found. Surprised how much better I felt (and yes of course I have crap days, lol)  Nobody has only good days. But nobody has only awful days either. It's just a bad, bad (really bad) habit that we as a society have developed to think we should/could/will ever be 'happy' all the time. I was on the top of the list of happiness seeking addicts, so I know...

But year after year on the farm I watched crops, seasons, life, death, priorities dancing and dueling . A lot of years,j a great deal of thinking. Years taking my own internal inventory. Years of being honest and realistic with my own self  taught me the difference between happiness and contentment. Taught me the value and reliability - and availability - of both of them.

I'll take my glass (any part full) of simple contentment over an empty glass waiting to be filled with  'happiness' any day - seven days a week, twenty four hours a day.

So there you have it, my heart, my thoughts. My words for what they're worth. Hold close what may help you ~ sweep aside what does not ~ either way, thank you for reading....

Rough draft excerpt from the upcoming book
Copyright 2013



She Wondered

 

 

When she was eight, she'd wander down to the barn
And under the Summer sky she wondered
Of which is there more.....
Happy or Sad?

 

 

When she was twelve, she wondered
Of which is there more
Challenge or Ease?

 

 

When she was sixteen she wondered
Of which is there more
Pleasure or pain?

 

When she was twenty she wondered
Which was stronger....

Cruelty or kindness?

 

At thirty, she wondered (often)

Which was rewarded....
Honor or deceit?

 

At forty, she pondered
The meaning of life
The paths she'd chosen

(and the ones she hadn't)

 

By fifty she wondered
How she's arrived

Where she found herself

 

By sixty, seventy and eighty

Her hair grey, her stature shortened
Her heart weary ~ but full ~
She now spent her days knowing
There were no right nor wrong answers

No correct paths

No love unworthy of the pain of loss

No challenge unworthy of effort

 

She smiled to herself as she realized
She'd had all the answers at eight

There are happy days
There are sad days

 

There is it turned out
(all wondering aside)

Just the living of your life...

(Text by Issy Copyright 2013)

 

And So It Goes

Ancient Direction Stone North South East West
 

No matter how you chart your course
Navigate your life

Live your days

At some point

At some time

You'll hurt someone
Disappoint someone
Leave someone feeling let down or betrayed....

 

The best choice for you
May feel like the worst choice to them

 

Opinions

Clash

Collide

Conflict

Confound

 

Needs

Are so very individual

Unique

Variable

Unexplainable

Unfathomable

To anyone but the person feeling them, living them

Seeking to fulfill them

 

And so it goes....

 

To choose for the needs of others?

Or for your heart?

No right, no wrong

 

Lots of guilt

Sometimes anger

 

Still the dance goes on...
Sometimes a waltz in 4/4 time
Sometimes to a syncopated (and fractured) beat

 

It's best to strive to see the other shore
No matter which side you currently stand upon

 

And at the end of each day if you can say
You caused no intentional harm

Even while doing what you knew you had to do

For your own self

Then, I suspect

Fate and Karma

Will understand

 

It's getting other humans to do the same
To agree to disagree
To set aside their indignation

At your refusal of their version of 'right'
That presents the

Difficulty

And

Challenge

 

And so it goes.....

Ain't it the truth?

  Again and again I am reminded

of one of the simple complexities

that is the key to living life well:

"Some luck lies
 in not getting
what you thought you wanted
but getting what you have,
which once you have got it
you may be smart enough to see
 is what you would have wanted
had you known". 

Garrison Keillor

OR

As the Rolling Stones lyrics wisely mention  :-)

'You can't always get what you want,
no, you can't always get what you want
but if you try sometimes
 you just might find,
you get what you need'

If I Had To Choose

 

 

If I named a daughter

If I got a word tattooed
If I had a wish, a cherished thing
That I would want for you

If I could count the value
Of only just one thing
One alone that mattered
Far more than other things

Where there a time
When only one
Emotion could I feel
If I had to winnow down
To one in my souls' kreel

 

A name, a tatoo, wish or gift
A value point ascribed
A sole and lone emotion
To be my only guide?

It'd take me just one heartbeat
To choose (If you asked me)
The answer to each one's the same.
HOPE

Is what it'd be .... 

(text copyright Issy aka woman seeking center 1/2013)

What Wars Are Raging....

Have compassion for everyone you meet even when they don’t want it.

 

What seems conceit or bad manners or cynicism

is often a sign of things no ears have heard, no eyes have seen.

 

You do not know what wars are going on 

where the spirit meets the bone.
 

Miller Williams

Kindness Finds It's Way To Where It's Needed




 And sometimes it's needed in very unlikely places.... Click here for the story

Thankfulness And Expectations

Thanksgiving.
The word, the concept and the holiday.
Each are seemingly straightforward (one would think).
One would be wrong.

Because amid the gray Thursdays, black Fridays, cyber Mondays and Plaid Saturdays
I put forward the possibility that we've grown a bit lost. And not only on
holiday-shopping-extravaganza-days....

 

There's no part of me that doesn't enjoy shopping, lol
For food or fun or vintage or material or (fill in the blank, lol)

And yet....and yet...

I can't escape the sound of chewing upon on the edge of my mind that says
"what about what you already HAVE"?

 

It seems endemic that the moment we 'have it' (whatever it may be)

it's counted as a given, irrevocable, permanent. No need to be

thankful for things one already possesses...Or is there?

Isn't that one of the foundation stones of Thanksgiving? Of life?

 

Life has shared with me that one of her profound truths is the transitory nature of everything.

Life itself, possessions, dreams, hopes, failure, success, power, health, weakness.
All things change, alter.
Yet it's so common within our society to expect what we have will remain the same.

One of the astounding, ever-present, beautiful and 'oft distressing aspects
of farm life is the dynamic day to day illustration precisely how life alters, changes.

Crops grow. Crops fail. Animals live and die. Hawks soar, animals they overfly become dinner. Winter snow and Summer rains become water in the well to sustain life for all on the farm.

 

There are times things go wrong. Things change.

Not enough water, not enough sun. Animal illness. Human illness. Insufficient firewood. It's perhaps easier to remain in touch here on this land,  depending upon nature and chance to see the truth that food, warmth, ease and contentment are not a 'given', not secured. Not permanent. Not by any amount of work or money or intention or hope. There are times things go wrong.

 

Those thoughts, the realities that I see all thru the year instigated the chewing, the wondering at the edges of my mind if it isn't important on Thanksgiving (and every day) to be thankful for the things we oh-so-casually are inclined to think of as permanent.

Because permanent is a word and an illusion, but is rarely if ever a truth or a fact.

 

I have never been desperately hungry or cold.
I have never been without decent clothing.

I have never been without a shower or tub.

I've never faced war or personal violence.

I have, thus far, had more to be thankful for

 than I tend to think of as often or deeply as I should.
I shouldn't think of any of these (or my other comforts and joys)
as permanent, as irrevokable as unchangeable, should I?

 

What I desire, what I seek can overshadow or eclipse

what I have if I don't pay attention.

 

Hey, I don't believe gray, black, cyber and plaid days can't coexist with thankfulness. I simply plan to remind myself things are not the foundation of Thanksgiving, nor of happiness, nor of life.

 

On All Hallows, Always

Each Hallows of my life

I shall stand for a moment, silently, amid the power of nature
And acknowledge her wisdom ~ respect her power.

 

Each Hollows my heart beats
I shall pause, remembering with honor, my ancestors.
Their lessons thru the ages, now mine,
As mine will  pass one day into the future.

Each hollows that I again gaze upon the last October night
The full and perfect moon above, icon of magic and mystery
I will marvel at things known only to those of ancient ways

 

Each Hallows as the earth gives the last of her gifts
Turning towards her harsher, harder side

Until she brings Spring again
I will pause

Pause to remember, to celebrate, to understand that I am 

One single thread within the fabric of time.

Within the ancient traditions

Of earth and sky, fire and water.
Charged with the gift of another year
Of striving. Learning. Sowing kindness.

Until Samhain arrives upon the calendar of days once again.
And once again I am reminded of precisely
How important ~ and unimportant ~ I am ~ amid it all
Single thread in the fabric that I am...

 

Gratefully, Luckily Safely Thru Hurricane Sandy

First, thanks SO much to those who emailed

to check on me and the old girl - it meant more than I could say...

I'll be catchin up on email replies these next few days - but reading

your notes brought warmth and strength to the past few days.

 

Fate was kind.

Tho I'm certain this isn't the first fierce

storm the old girl and her barn have survived, it was still

a long and tense few days as Sandy passed thru.

Heavy HEAVY non-stop rain began Sunday and has just now

ceased (Tues evening). Monday was the worst of it - horizontal rain

with steady winds, gusting to 70 (tho not sustained at that rate).

 

A walkabout tonite found nothing major amiss with the farmhouse, barn, woodlands

outbuildings or neighbors all safe. Not even a loss of electric. My immediate and area counties in NY were spared every large and small heartbreak that so many others in the US are coping with.....

And even as I whisper thanks to the powers of nature for leaving me unharmed I know how lucky I am to be on the finished side of this storm no worse the wear other than a lack of sleep.

 

So - Monday Museday is of course quite delayed - but I'll have it posted soon

(I was saving battery power on the laptop just in case the power did go)

 

I hope each of you who reads/comments here, each important to me,  are doing well

and this finds you safe. If not, if you are facing hardship and heartbreak, I'm keeping you close in thought and heart and wishing I could do so much more...

 

Superstorm Sandy: How to help

 

Back soon.....



Striving To Be Like Charlotte

 

 

She had promised Wilbur she was going to save his life and Charlotte was determined to keep her promise. Day after day, she hung from her web and waited patiently for an idea to come to her.   ~Charlotte’s Webb~

There are moments when I suspect the standard measure of success and failure is a bit off....
I say this because there are times, circumstances, events that are beyond control, outside
our reach of determined influence.

It set me thinking of Charlotte ~ and that success (or failure) ~ should also consider and count effort. The depth of  intensity, determination and perseverance extended. Outcome may be beyond reach. But if a person truly sets a goal, does his/her deepest 'best effort' (and you know in your heart if it's aye or nay) with courage and commitment shouldn't there be a rung on the ladder of success/failure for heartfelt intention and efforts? 

I see/hear/read the words of so many very very good people who do all they can with all they have to repair problems of all ilks for themselves and for others. But if the end result/outcome is beyond their efforts no matter how determinedly they have fought, they count themselves to have failed.

It haunts me, this clear divide of success and failure, this either/or, with no accounting for nor nod to the beauty of intention, for grace of the effort, for the care and concern that still surround and comfort those in need of aide (or to the credit of those who step up) even if the goal remains elusive or unattained.

There is something I can't quite capture in words about "the Charlottes'" of the world ~ those who stand steadfast beyond strength and reason for themselves, for others, for causes.  Their determination, their dogged persistence to see thru a promise made, to do what is right, what is best when needed.

Charlottes' posses kindness and courage of the heart.

No matter how small the selfless act, the truth is that any time you reach beyond yourself it's not small.  Every effort to do the right thing, outcome be damned, in your own world matters (if to no one but yourself). Even the smallest of effort or care on the behalf of another (should) count because it happened. There should be some verbiage inbetween success and failure to signify standing tall, strong and honorable in your own life regardless of whether the goal was/was not achieved. There need be, I believe, something that denotes someone having picked up the banner of kindness and having taken action (successful or not) because they cared about something/someone besides themselves.

Yes. There should be something that rests between success and failure. A concept and word that denotes effort, honor, kindness, outward giving even when the goal remains unachieved.

Tho I'm uncertain it will ever be so, there is one thing I am certain of... And that is this:

 

I'm striving (daily) to become more like Charlotte.

Fear

Part of the farm woodlands

I've spent a great deal of time since buying the farm, arriving battled and broken, pondering emotions. Fear is one of them. Such a primal emotion, so intense and undying if left to it's own devices. It has an endless and ever-evolving lifespan. How easy it is to step from one fear to the next. And if by some fluke there's no immediate panic of you own you'll soon be presented with a variety via news, public place conversation, family, coworkers, friends. Often well meaning yet (IME) devastating to quality of life if absorbed on a steady, frequent basis.

There is a vast difference between people sharing difficult worry or events, discussing options, comforting one another, seeking solutions and the general, ongoing fear I'm refering to. What is odd about most fear that obsesses people if allowed to (myself included) is that it isn't personal event related. Rather it's woven of vague possibilities or lack of control - brought to attention by politics or commercials or facebook or weather stations or newspapers or such. Worst of all this sort of fear seems to reject any and all possible solution.

Like an itch that can't be scratched away, fear seems to endlessly replicate and as humans we drift (in many instances) towards allowing it to sit in the drivers seat - either by ignoring possible options - or if no solution is visible - letting it grip us rather than resist the damage it inflicts.

I know - I do. For years it ruled me with wild abandon. I'd hate to count the cumulative time I allowed it to steal from me (thinking of the potentially calm or happy hours it consumed) because I allowed it to. Handed it the keys. Opened the door to the drivers side of my mind. Then I seated myself in the passenger seat. As fear floored it, speed racing with my mind, dodging truth, avoiding solutions, hanging two wheels off the cliff edge of sanity, I remained in the passenger seat (without even buckling my seatbelt).

When the farm and I found each other people began to share with me how fearful they were that it was an ill advised idea (the farm) sharing their (well intentioned) fears. I was afraid. My checkbook was scared sh*tless. Banks and insurance companies were hysterical. Complete strangers feared for me (and shared their fears with me). I sensed I had to choose. Choose between giving the 'drivers keys' to fear and sitting meekly thru endless wild rides in my mind. OR I could begin to drive myself - at least some of the time. I chose the latter and it was, I hate to admit, a good deal more difficult to do than to say. As I began repairing the farm, putting her back together, I was determined to rebuild myself. Repairing both of us, to better than when we'd started  .

I began to watch less  (eventually little to no) news.  Cancelled the paper. Saw less of (or paid less heed to)  those who 'feared for me and my choices'. Because after all, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Tho the best help to me EVER in controlling fear (and I'd have it tatooed if I weren't a wimp, lol) is:  if you keep doing the same thing you've always done, you'll continue to get the same results you've always gotten.  Brilliant and true! I added new behaviours to combat fear, about something actual or imagined. When I'd wake up in the night in a cold sweat I'd make lists, look for solutions, beat fear back with a stick. I'd choose and try something, ANYthing to defeat what I was fearing because action IS control - results aside - doing SOMEthing is better than nothing (another newsflash for me, lol).

Little by little I gained ground against fear, useless lout that he is. At  least now he had to ASK for the keys. It was a start.  In the weeks, months and years that followed I began to teach myself to carefully choose (or avoid when appropriate) fear inducing interactions/events/input. Again I must stress, I'm not refering to listening or sharing real life concerns or problem solving but rather the vague-y, dark cloud-y, soap opera-ish, stock market-y, pharmaceutical-y, insurance-ish, chickenlittle-y sort of fear.

These days, I struggle still. Part of life. Part of living. Part of growing.
(what's that saying? If you're not a little afraid you need to try something new! lol)
But more days are calm, productive, content.  More hours are spent seeking solutions than worrying in a circle of indecision. More nites are filled with tired well earned sleep.

Best of all, while I haven't gotten fear out of the car altogether, I do have him locked in the trunk....

So many emotions in life - so many good ones. 
Try to move fear to the bottom of the list (or into the trunk!) whenever you can.

The Feel Of A Day

I was wondering today, as I often do, precisely what it is that makes

the  feel  of a day vary?  Much the same way in

which time seems to flow by differently.

Fact and science tell us that it is the same number of hours in each day.
The weather may prove to be exactly the same on two days that feel different.

And it's rarely tethered to any significant events, challenges, or crisis.
Nor to any enjoyed specific activity or occasion.

Oddly, I sense it more on average sorts of days.

A day will simply feel differently than others - akin to a subtle flavor variation in food. Time will seem to fly or stall or be 'just right' based upon a scale I cannot pin. Yet, at the risk of overusing a single word, lol the feel, the tone, of a day or the flow  of the hours therein varies.  For no reason I can grasp I can clearly delineate the change of essence (if that makes any sense at all).

The feel of a day, the sense of how time flows alters in
my world. It's a fascinating, curious, mysterious

part of the days as they stroll by me....

Is it so for you too?

A Farmer Parable

A  Parable



Long ago the story was first told of a farmer who worked his fields.  He had little money and only a single horse for plowing. One afternoon his horse ran away. Everyone who knew him said, “what a horrible thing to happen.” The farmer replied, “we’ll see.”

Several days later his horse returned accompanied by two wild horses. Everyone who knew him now exclaimed  “What a lucky man!”  The farmer replied “we’ll see.”

Later in the week the young son of the farmer attempted riding one of the wild horses but it bucked him off breaking his leg. Everyone shook their heads and said “poor fellow!” The farmer simply said, “we’ll see.”

The day following the accident, the army arrived in the farmers small village seeking to draft recruits. Upon seeing the son had a broken leg  they passed him by for recruitment. Everyone said “such a fortunate young man".

The farmer smiled and, as he always did, said yet again “we’ll see.”

                                                                             ~~~~~
I've always loved this parable. It reminds me that life, luck, and destiny shift and alter. Things are seldom exactly as the appear - what may seem to be a disaster is the seed of an answer. What may seem perfect in fact isn't.  Reality dances.

Above all life isn't static, but instead a journey.  Flexibility and perspective are everything.....