Sunday, July 22, 2012

An Oft Forgotten Skill

Recently I found an email in my in box ~ I love hearing from readers by the way! ~ with a question. Within her lovely note she wondered how it was I am so happy ~ every single day cheerful and upbeat?

There are questions that come via email that give me reason to ponder to think - excellent!  Many I answer privately, leading to periodic wonderful e-versations (email conversations) Some queries I reply to but do not (for various reasons) answer the specific question(s) within. What I've not done before is to share any of the queries and my responses here.  Would that be of interest? (let me know and if so, email me questions.  I make no promise that I'll answer every question for my own and various reasons in either email or here. But no doubt I oft WILL email reply to you or share it here - again if of interest??!!  I'll leave that to you - let me know, yea or nay  :-)

Now back to her question.....

One of the farms woodlands

To be honest, there have been, are still and ever will be days I would not (by a long stretch, lol) be described as cheerful. Oh no, not in the least, lol.  Let me admit, declare, decree and confess there have been/are dark days.  There are worrying days. There are run of the mill annoying days. Silly-stuff-that-happens-days.  Days that I thought had no escape, no hope. Days that are made right by a beer  or two (or four, lol) on my porch safely off the road in the company of singing frogs.  Days that are set right by a good nites sleep. Days that are fixed because they end and become tomorrow and I try again, I try harder or smarter or from a different direction.  Some days are repaired by finally admitting I am being an ass and deciding to stop being an ass. Or stop being stubborn. Or realize I don't have all the answers roflmao.

So the farm, and life, and events and I are not as perfectly happy as it perhaps seems.
Life is messy.
Life is hard.
Life is uncontrollable in both large and small ways at times.

And for the record I think it both important & good that we share problems, issues & worries with others in person & online


Betwixt and between all of the scrapes and bruises, falls and failures, there is a lot of 'happy'.  An abundance of good. Days of 'it worked!' Stretches of contentment. The difference, in my small and humble slice of life experience and even more humble opinion is that you have to learn, and then value and then struggle to CHOOSE to see the positive.

I'm not sure when I (or the world at large) first forsook the ability to decide to see the up side of things. I don't know when it became more common to wail and complain than to share stories of success or progress. I can't tell you when it became common to omit discussion of good happenings, warm happy events, share a joke, a smile, say thank you. 

At one point after my life turned itself upside down and I'd wailed until even I was tired of hearing my own whining I leaned or re-learned that I possessed the ability and the skill and the choice to focus. I didn't have to ignore my problems to also see the positive. Problems, mine and yours were/are real.  I will always feel fear, dread the unknown, be annoyed when things break, et al  But I came to see and understand that I decide every day, each hour, each event, how much of my mind, heart soul and time I give to every single thing that crosses my path in a day, any day, every day. Good or bad I decide what I'll give it of myself.

I decide what I send out into the world - inside my farmhouse, in my car, on my blog, in my emails, at the coffee shop, grocery store. Let me tell you my discovery - always or often being angry and negative is exhausting and changes very little. Being cheerful is uplifting (to me) even when it's not mirrored. Best news? Often it is returned in kind. There are days (oh there are days) when the best I can muster is to simply be quiet, keep the mouth zipped, lol.  But even that is a step above negativity.

All you have to do to have a happier life is to choose, then WORK (hourly) at setting your focus on the good, the funny, the warm. Decide who you want to be, for yourself, for those you love, for strangers, for the community you are a part of. And that is true for real life and online life.

I understand self discipline is hard and not greatly in vouge these days. I know there's SO much sadness for so many. In fact tho more for some and less for others, I finally understand EVERYONE has problems, heartbreak. What I don't understand is when we lost sight of the fact each of us chooses and takes responsibility for what we focus on, what we talk about, what we say, how we say it, how we live.  It's an oft forgotten skill, deciding to 'be happy'.  It's a choice much like what we eat, what we wear. Think of it as an every day decision. It's out there - some small thing that is good in your life ~ most every day even as other things go spinning wildly wrong.

See? That question really made me ponder, make me  think, made me sort 'the threads of why' out a  bit!

PS remember, let me know if you'd like to see more 'questions answered' posts of this kind...
PSS I daresay  not all the replies will be this lengthy, lol


gracie said...

A very honest and thoughtful answer...I enjoyed reading it.

Bovey Belle said...

A very interesting post. And apt too. I am reading a book called "The Magic" at the moment, and the gist of that is taking the positive out of every day and focusing on it, rather than the negative. Negativity is a habit all too easy to slip into. You're right - positivity and happiness attracts more of the same and it certainly makes the bad days more bearable : ) We take so much for granted.

BumbleBeeLane said...

I like you have always tried to see the positive and make happiness happen.My flaw is I'm a grudge holder if I could let go more easily I think Life would be Bliss.Warm Blessings!~Amy

TheCrankyCrow said...

I loved this my friend - and I vote "yea" - I would love to read more of your sage and intuitive insights. (But you knew that already, did you not?) I have struggled - as all do/have/should - with this issue. Were the world to see my "real" world, they may be dismayed....yet, I find joy, see humor. In fact, I find it amusing when some remark about my "sense of humor." To some around me, it would be an amazing thing about which to remark as they think I have none whatsoever. Yet, as you say - it is a choice....What I choose to share and what I decide to send out into the world. Sometimes only the deepest shadows, or the softest folds of my pillow, see the deepest part of me.....Smiles & Hugs ~ Robin