I'm the keeper of an old farmhouse and seeker of old beautiful things to fill her (and then some, lol) Often someone asks just how all this came to be.
So for the curious, the lovers of all things old, those who share my triumphs and tragedies and those thinking of loving an ancient old house I've started to put all it all to word and picture here.
Welcome!
I shall stand for a moment, silently, amid the power of nature
And acknowledge her wisdom ~ respect her power.
Each Hollows my heart beats
I shall pause, remembering with honor, my ancestors.
Their lessons thru the ages, now mine,
As mine will pass one day into the future.
Each hollows that I again gaze upon the last October night
The full and perfect moon above, icon of magic and mystery
I will marvel at things known only to those of ancient ways
Each Hallows as the earth gives the last of her gifts
Turning towards her harsher, harder side
Until she brings Spring again
I will pause
Pause to remember, to celebrate, to understand that I am
One single thread within the fabric of time.
Within the ancient traditions
Of earth and sky, fire and water.
Charged with the gift of another year
Of striving. Learning. Sowing kindness.
Until Samhain arrives upon the calendar of days once again.
And once again I am reminded of precisely How important ~ and unimportant ~ I am ~ amid it all
Single thread in the fabric that I am...
to check on me and the old girl - it meant more than I could say...
I'll be catchin up on email replies these next few days - but reading
your notes brought warmth and strength to the past few days.
Fate was kind.
Tho I'm certain this isn't the first fierce
storm the old girl and her barn have survived, it was still
a long and tense few days as Sandy passed thru.
Heavy HEAVY non-stop rain began Sunday and has just now
ceased (Tues evening). Monday was the worst of it - horizontal rain
with steady winds, gusting to 70 (tho not sustained at that rate).
A walkabout tonite found nothing major amiss with the farmhouse, barn, woodlands
outbuildings or neighbors all safe. Not even a loss of electric. My immediate and area counties in NY were spared every large and small heartbreak that so many others in the US are coping with.....
And even as I whisper thanks to the powers of nature for leaving me unharmed I know how lucky I am to be on the finished side of this storm no worse the wear other than a lack of sleep.
So - Monday Museday is of course quite delayed - but I'll have it posted soon
(I was saving battery power on the laptop just in case the power did go)
I hope each of you who reads/comments here, each important to me, are doing well
and this finds you safe. If not, if you are facing hardship and heartbreak, I'm keeping you close in thought and heart and wishing I could do so much more...
Once upon a time in the land of Nod A wonderfully kind and prim Crow (Who is not in any way cranky, lol)
Offered to all the surrounding kingdoms A game of chance...
Within which each held the hope Of winning an amazingly winsome
And wonderful All Hallows
Prize....
With longing and hope I tossed my name into the
Cauldron amid the many... I hoped as I clicked 'post' on the comment That placed me amid the game. Yet not one to often win such games of chance I said to my ever-loyal office familiar "I'll not win, but what fun to follow as this
Exquisite Giveaway Unfolds"!
But to my great and unexpected joy I found, that whilst away from my computer, fate had smiled upon me! I (yes I!) had won! I HAD WON THE DRAWING FROM THE CRANKY CROWS BLOG!
With no delay, Crow dispatched the parcel containing Miss October 31 to my distant farm....
As I gently and happily opened the parcel my eyes were greeted with gala gingham and prim wrappings! But wait.. What did my eyes see? NUMEROUS gifts from the dear and generous crow!
First may I introduce the heart-stealing (and already deeply treasured!) Miss October 31st Prim Doll
She is already making friends and the old girl (the farm) simply adores her - as do I! Thank you Robin!
But wait..... There remained more for crow and I to spy (with our four beadie eyes) lol remaining still, tucked within our parcel?
A delicate circle woven wreath of ancient design Two wonderful hand made soaps! (with labels created by the crow herself) And within the last bit of tissue, a sumptuously scented candle!
Below, a closeup of crows labels wrapped 'round the soaps...
And while my crow attempted to make away with the ancient circle for himself, I intercepted and retrieved! (You know crows with items that catch their fancy, lol)
Crow may believe this will be his, but he is oh-so-incorrect, lol
I am at a loss for the proper words to sufficiently thank you Robin, Dearest Cranky Crow... These gifts, each and every, imprinted your kindness and generosity and care upon my heart!
Miss October 31st will be part of my farm, my home each and every day
(tho shall we make the 31st here birthday)?! The ancient, woven, earth-wreath already hangs in a place special to me... The soaps and candle, already in use will soon arrive at their inevitable end - but will always be recalled with a smile.
Indeed, no words could thank you sufficiently so I will say, simply but with a full & appreciative heart THANK YOU PS the delay in this post was intentional - I wanted to be sure the trips to OZ and 'lil crows surgery and initial days of recovery were behind you Robin before I posted this for everyone to see and enjoy - especially you :-) Hugs! Issy
I know, I know I continue to write this title then go on to write about issues being pounded upon in this election. I know I risk annoying at least and angering at worst some of you who I visit here, who I respect and think of as friends.......
But to be truthful I believe what draws me back to this topic is that it is about more than rape and abortion and contraception and religion. It is a large invasion into the personal rights for women. It is about equality and domination. It is about civil rights Life style rights and choices.
Hear me when I say that aside from my intense abhorrence of ANYone, man or woman dictating to me what I may or may not do with my body, dictating the direction of my life, forcing me into a non-choice pregnancy that would impact me for the ENTIRE remainder of my life (even if thru rape or incest cause I'm certain my body isn't smart enough to know how to 'shut that down') I fear even worse.
I fear for return to the quasi-Medieval perception of women. I've been viewing the mini-series world without end by Ken Follet (wonderfully executed if you enjoy historical based works as I do). Watching a time when women were considered items for barter, married off for male gain, with NO rights, with less value than livestock is shocking to women of our time period. Yet think how recently we won the vote as females. Consider how recently we won the choice to control our own reproductive bodies. Check the dates to see how long it took us to be considered for high level posts in companies and government. Or to become fighter pilots. Or any damn thing we choose to become within our skill and determination. And if achieving those goals necessitates (in each womans opinion for herself) delaying family or more then who is any man or woman or government policy to say no?
I am honestly, for the first time in my life, fearful that we could as women lose so much more.
Will at some point we be denied consideration for employment as doctors, lawyers or in the armed forces? Will we be advised that we are not properly skilled to home school our children? Will we face a denial when desiring to start, run or own a business? Before this election and the Republican statements I hear continually I'd have laughed at the idea of such constraints. I'm not laughing now.
I have always thanked the powers that be that I live in this country because it respected the intellect, rights, career choices, child rearing (such as home education) right to choose of women to name only a few. A country that valued the vast and varied contributions of women. I can be a mother (or not), a lawyer or an astronaut. A wife (or not), a teacher (at home or in in a school or college). I can get a tattoo! lol I can control my destiny. Set my goals. Sail my ship. Climb my mountain (or molehill). I want the same for sisters, daughters, grandmothers. For all the generations to follow.
I don't claim all Republicans are determined to derail these choices - but those who respect women aren't saying anything to set those who DO seem to want to control me straight. And I'll be honest, R & R and their blatant non-separatist take on church and state horrify me. Separation of church and state was part of what our gov was founded upon. I fear ANYONE else setting the standards for my personal beliefs be they reproductive or otherwise.
I grant you, no administration or leader or company or person is without flaws.
But when a group (any group) begins to circle and snarl and nip at my core personal rights, and those of women who are young now and those yet to come I see that as more than a flaw. I see that as a threat - a threat far larger than one single issue such as contraception/abortion.
Always consider the larger view, the bigger picture. And more so this election if you ask me.
Thanks for reading - follow your heart of course as you vote, as you live your life each day. That's the point of this entire post. My goal in writing this is to be sure we all continue to be able to do just that as women - to choose and follow our own beliefs, choices, hearts, dreams.
Don't allow anyone - elected official, political party line, supreme court appointment - to take the direction of your life, your choices, away from you, from me, from us, from the future generations of women in the coming four years.....
What could possibly be funnier than watching a woman
who has chosen to run to the mailbox in her flamingo pants,
white sox and untied shoes in the pouring rain?
My flamingo pants. Often worn for long sessions of book writing ( or pizza eating)
Answer:
Watching her run back, full speed when she hears a car coming!
She had promised Wilbur she was going to save his life and Charlotte
was determined to keep her promise. Day after day, she hung from her web and
waited patiently for an idea to come to her.~Charlotte’s
Webb~
There are moments when I suspect the standard measure of success and failure is a bit off....
I say this because there are times, circumstances, events that are beyond control, outside
our reach of determined influence.
It set me thinking of Charlotte ~ and that success (or failure) ~ should also consider and count effort. The depth of intensity, determination and perseverance extended. Outcome may be beyond reach. But if a person truly sets a goal, does his/her deepest 'best effort' (and you know in your heart if it's aye or nay) with courage and commitment shouldn't there be a rung on the ladder of success/failure for heartfelt intention and efforts?
I see/hear/read the words of so many very very good people who do all they can with all they have to repair problems of all ilks for themselves and for others. But if the end result/outcome is beyond their efforts no matter how determinedly they have fought, they count themselves to have failed.
It haunts me, this clear divide of success and failure, this either/or, with no accounting for nor nod to the beauty of intention, for grace of the effort, for the care and concern that still surround and comfort those in need of aide (or to the credit of those who step up) even if the goal remains elusive or unattained.
There is something I can't quite capture in words about "the Charlottes'" of the world ~ those who stand steadfast beyond strength and reason for themselves, for others, for causes. Their determination, their dogged persistence to see thru a promise made, to do what is right, what is best when needed.
Charlottes' posses kindness and courage of the heart.
No matter how small the selfless act, the truth is that any time you reach beyond yourself it's not small. Every effort to do the right thing, outcome be damned, in your own world matters (if to no one but yourself). Even the smallest of effort or care on the behalf of another (should) count because it happened. There should be some verbiage inbetween success and failure to signify standing tall, strong and honorable in your own life regardless of whether the goal was/was not achieved. There need be, I believe, something that denotes someone having picked up the banner of kindness and having taken action (successful or not) because they cared about something/someone besides themselves.
Yes. There should be something that rests between success and failure. A concept and word that denotes effort, honor, kindness, outward giving even when the goal remains unachieved.
Tho I'm uncertain it will ever be so, there is one thing I am certain of... And that is this:
I'm striving (daily) to become more like Charlotte.
I've spent a great deal of time since buying the farm, arriving battled and broken, pondering emotions. Fear is one of them. Such a primal emotion, so intense and undying if left to it's own devices. It has an endless and ever-evolving lifespan. How easy it is to step from one fear to the next. And if by some fluke there's no immediate panic of you own you'll soon be presented with a variety via news, public place conversation, family, coworkers, friends. Often well meaning yet (IME) devastating to quality of life if absorbed on a steady, frequent basis.
There is a vast difference between people sharing difficult worry or events, discussing options, comforting one another, seeking solutions and the general, ongoing fear I'm refering to. What is odd about most fear that obsesses people if allowed to (myself included) is that it isn't personal event related. Rather it's woven of vague possibilities or lack of control - brought to attention by politics or commercials or facebook or weather stations or newspapers or such. Worst of all this sort of fear seems to reject any and all possible solution.
Like an itch that can't be scratched away, fear seems to endlessly replicate and as humans we drift (in many instances) towards allowing it to sit in the drivers seat - either by ignoring possible options - or if no solution is visible - letting it grip us rather than resist the damage it inflicts.
I know - I do. For years it ruled me with wild abandon. I'd hate to count the cumulative time I allowed it to steal from me (thinking of the potentially calm or happy hours it consumed) because I allowed it to. Handed it the keys. Opened the door to the drivers side of my mind. Then I seated myself in the passenger seat. As fear floored it, speed racing with my mind, dodging truth, avoiding solutions, hanging two wheels off the cliff edge of sanity, I remained in the passenger seat (without even buckling my seatbelt).
When the farm and I found each other people began to share with me how fearful they were that it was an ill advised idea (the farm) sharing their (well intentioned) fears. I was afraid. My checkbook was scared sh*tless. Banks and insurance companies were hysterical. Complete strangers feared for me (and shared their fears with me). I sensed I had to choose. Choose between giving the 'drivers keys' to fear and sitting meekly thru endless wild rides in my mind. OR I could begin to drive myself - at least some of the time. I chose the latter and it was, I hate to admit, a good deal more difficult to do than to say. As I began repairing the farm, putting her back together, I was determined to rebuild myself. Repairing both of us, to better than when we'd started .
I began to watch less (eventually little to no) news. Cancelled the paper. Saw less of (or paid less heed to) those who 'feared for me and my choices'. Because after all, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Tho the best help to me EVER in controlling fear (and I'd have it tatooed if I weren't a wimp, lol) is: if you keep doing the same thing you've always done, you'll continue to get the same results you've always gotten. Brilliant and true! I added new behaviours to combat fear, about something actual or imagined. When I'd wake up in the night in a cold sweat I'd make lists, look for solutions, beat fear back with a stick. I'd choose and try something, ANYthing to defeat what I was fearing because action IS control - results aside - doing SOMEthing is better than nothing (another newsflash for me, lol).
Little by little I gained ground against fear, useless lout that he is. At least now he had to ASK for the keys. It was a start. In the weeks, months and years that followed I began to teach myself to carefully choose (or avoid when appropriate) fear inducing interactions/events/input. Again I must stress, I'm not refering to listening or sharing real life concerns or problem solving but rather the vague-y, dark cloud-y, soap opera-ish, stock market-y, pharmaceutical-y, insurance-ish, chickenlittle-y sort of fear.
These days, I struggle still. Part of life. Part of living. Part of growing.
(what's that saying? If you're not a little afraid you need to try something new! lol)
But more days are calm, productive, content. More hours are spent seeking solutions than worrying in a circle of indecision. More nites are filled with tired well earned sleep.
Best of all, while I haven't gotten fear out of the car altogether, I do have him locked in the trunk....
So many emotions in life - so many good ones.
Try to move fear to the bottom of the list (or into the trunk!) whenever you can.
I learned (quite early in my life) that I was drawn to, amused by, valued, and required things that were quite different from most other people I knew - something that has not changed. Except perhaps to have become moreso over the decades.
Teachers fretted (in writing even!) that I was too much of a loner. Counselors feared for me as I was too much of a day-dreamer (I was moved to the front row AWAY from the windows - often - to deter daydreaming lol).Gym teachers feared I was too thin and non-athletic (I still despise mandated exercise but continue to outlast anyone in any physical demand or event that intrigues me or needs to be accomplished by my hands).
I have always held close to my heart: nature, spirits, crows, signs, messages, karma, the woods and the sea. I've a fondness for unicorns and mermaids, truth be told. Frogs, crickets, owls are friends of mine. I struggle with humanity as a whole. I trust slowly. People I grow to trust and love have my fondness and my loyalty forever.
See? Not so much of the common/average/expected in my personality weave.
Quirky is a descriptor often connected to me in conversations.
And that pleases me - because being who you are is both a skill and an adventure - and with luck endures thru your entire existence. Who would I be now if I'd attempted to alter myself to please or appease the teachers, gym coaches, associates, acquaintances, neighbors, strangers, family, clients, (tho well meaning many were in their concern and advice)....
These days, when I walk my acres at the farm and arrive at the place where all the blue fish hang I think of the day I hung them there. Swimming in air, high on a hill, hundreds of miles from the sea. I pause. I smile. Without doubt, not unlike my 'woodland blue-fish' I've always been different, yet exactly who I wanted to become, exactly who I was meant to be.
And if I were to wish for one gift for friend and foe alike it would be to seek, find, and be true to their own blue fish, swimming in air, amid their own woods....
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