Sunday, May 15, 2011

I Shouldn't Have Been Surprised

No, not surprised at all. 

Many if not most of the large decisions, changes, events in my life have unfolded (or snapped me in wet towel style) unplanned and unbidden. Happily the majority improved my world. Gave my life more depth. Climbing up and down the emotional ladder rungs from confusion to insanity aside lol there's little I'd change.

This point in time, these circumstances were vastly different and intense. Challenge mixed with a heavy dose of "interesting" rolled out on the hard surface of my anger and defiance. I don't mind (now) admitting that I was emotionally at sea. Not a place I have often, if ever, found myself standing.

Trying to relocate 'center' - my center - my heart in fact ~ in this old house began from things broken. Our meeting was instigated by heart-whiplash. Never planned. This old girl never danced on the edges of any current agenda. She was on no list of mine. She was not the plan I had. Not even close. Not in the same galaxy not close.

Me. This old house. Both seeking. Both searching. Both needing. A few threads of hope hung like threadbare curtains in our storm battered eyes on the world. Her large ancient windows were dark and broken. My heart~soul~windows were equally battered dark and bruised.

Both of us found ourselves at far beyond weary. She seemed ravaged to her timbers.  My visible exhaustion was deeper than bone. I felt as tho mice were chewing on my soul.

The first time I saw her she seemed to be expecting me.

But I shouldn't have been surprised.....
No, not one bit.

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