All thru gradeschool, I dreaded
this day
this day
This day of carefully cut and pasted
Valentine pouches
which decorated and then hung
on the front of our pint sized desk
or the back of our
tiny chair.....
Every year it was an agony for me
in those days of timid quiet
in those days of timid quiet
and no friends
as even then I was awkward
with others, preferring my
own company
"A loner" as I was 'oft described
in the comments section
of my report cards by my teachers
of my report cards by my teachers
Happily content as that loner
with my imagination, my dreams, my plans
with my imagination, my dreams, my plans
all the school year thru
except for this day of the year
Even now, decades later
I can still palpate the discomfort
of seeing every val-n-tine pouch
in each row fill with pink and yellow and white
envelopes
Every pouch except mine
Mine always had just two
One from my mother (sent in my lunch box)
to put in my val-n-pouch
and one from my teachers
to put in my val-n-pouch
and one from my teachers
(who made sure they had extras)
I never knew
(nor even thought to wonder)
(nor even thought to wonder)
if I was the only one
with only two grown up val-n-tines
in my thin and silly sad decorated grade school pouch
I'm not sure it would have mattered
if I had known I wasn't the only one
if I had known I wasn't the only one
I'm still dancing on the fringe, doing things my own way
and every year I think (now) I'm glad my val-n-tine pouch
was mostly empty
was mostly empty
because it taught me you can survive heartache
it showed me that the love/kindness of just a few
matters
matters
(thank you mom)
(thank you teachers with emergency val-n-tines)
(thank you teachers with emergency val-n-tines)
I've no thesis to prove, no facts of correlation
but I suspect we become strong or weak
early on in our life
I suspect we devise and develop ways
to stand tall in the face of disappointment
to stand tall in the face of disappointment
or lack of rousing peer approval
when we are more small than tall
Perhaps that's why each February 14th
I think back on those little construction paper pouches
I think back on those little construction paper pouches
knowing it foreshadowed
the worst
the worst
and the best
of life
of me
I hope your val-n-tine
day
(pouch full or thin)
was happy :-)
