The Exact Moment

The one positive remnant, found swept upon the beach following any fearsome storm in life or nature is the unmitigated joy that evolves in the simple absence of the hardship.

 Opposing  realities changing position.
Power shifting.

Dominance exchanging place. 

Frozen shaking hands warmed near the fire.
Out of control free fall replaced with choreographed rhythmic steps.

Logic returning, declaring victory over anxiety.

Happiness, years absent behind a door both bolted and nailed climbing thru old house windows.

The exact moment - and there always is one -  you realize the intense pain has stopped. Attempting to recall when you last walked the floors, unable to sleep, so deep was the angst. Realizing with surprise there is no such recent night. 

You understand, dimly, that you've actually survived the storm, the tumult, the pounding reef. The fractured bones of your heart are perhaps knitting together, scars ever to remain, yet healing.

I thought intensely of this one day, observing a building storm. Threatening and promising simultaneously the rain was forming amid a crushing drought on the farm.

I thought of my struggle that day, a day that rested randomly amid the years of the pain of departure and the hoped for yet not arrived contentment. Gazing out that ancient window where I 'oft lingered seeking solace  when I could scarcely breathe for the intensity of emotion that engulfed and threatened my soul.

I watched this storm unfold and continued pondering it all....

Watching that day, I cautiously wondered if perhaps within this old house
I'd found my storm-shore haven. My safety. Where I was meant to be...

(excerpt from the ever growing pages/chapters of my

  humble attempt at a first book. The sum of which chronicles

the entire story: the why, how & adventure of how I came to the farm,

to life in farm country. Of what forced, what sent me seeking, finding, repairing

and hesitantly loving this once decrepit old farm. The journey that began at a time

when most are 'sizing down'. The tiny little massive huge sad wonderful scary brave

story of how I lost my mind and my heart and set off on my lunatic, ill-advised escape)