Happiness vs Contentment Peacock vs Wren



There is an endless search in the human heart (and on every bookshelf and late nite cable channel) to learn how to be, 'happy' - preferably (or laughably) all the time. What an odd thought. What a pointless quest.  Happy comes. Happy goes. It's transitory, elusive, uncommandable, uncontrollable.  Happiness is the rain, the birdsong, the unpredictable gift that arrives of it's own accord. Not scheduled, ordered, planned. Read all the self-help books you care to, you won't (IMHO) discover  the place happiness lives, allowing you to visit it any time you want.

Sad? Depressing? Angering? Hopeless?  Oh no, not at all.

Because tho I grant you it's only my opinion drawn from my thus-far life experience, it's easy to confuse happiness with contentment. Contentment, unlike happiness is something you can plant and grow in your mind, your heart, your outlook.

On any average day you won't necessarily find something to be 'happy about' but what you can (tragedy aside) always find in any average day are a lot of things to feel content about.

Waking up (for starters) because you have a new day ahead of you.

The smell of coffee brewing. The way the warm cup feels in your hands.
A moment, gazing out the window while you sip it.

A person in your life you love - any person - the details don't matter, do they?
A person in your life who loves you - any person, relationship, details unimportant
And if you are very truly lucky you love each other (not as common as one would think). Lots of people love someone who doesn't love them back the same way. Or at all. Or with the same depth. Again it doesn't really matter what relationship is - you and your mother/father/brother/sister/friend/husband/wife/child/boy/girlfriend.

It's the love not the relationship.

You'd be surprised (we'd all be surprised) at how very many people go thru life never loving or feeling loved or never feeling loved the same way they love someone.

If you have any or all of those sorts of love you have one of the best foundations of contentment.

Decide to do one thing in the day - just one thing - you feel good about.  Something at home, at work, in your community. For a neighbor, friend, family member, stranger. Doesn't have to be large or dynamic. Doesn't have to be noticed. The point is that it made you feel good. That it made you smile to yourself.  Contentment.

See how easy contentment is to find? Not like that primadonna happiness, lol

Of course you have to choose to find contentment too. Nothing (but nothing) (except maybe for bills lol) will just appear - and contentment is no different. But it abounds every day all day unlike happiness. Think wren vs peacock ratio.  How many wrens do you see in a day? How many peacocks?

There were days (oh there were more than days) I used to wonder why I didn't feel 'happy'. And it made me feel inadequate, sad, cheated, angry, empty, frustrated, pissed, misunderstood. When I decided to take my heart in hand and go a-seeking contentment my days became so full of things to count I was surprised. Surprised at all I found. Surprised how much better I felt (and yes of course I have crap days, lol)  Nobody has only good days. But nobody has only awful days either. It's just a bad, bad (really bad) habit that we as a society have developed to think we should/could/will ever be 'happy' all the time. I was on the top of the list of happiness seeking addicts, so I know...

But year after year on the farm I watched crops, seasons, life, death, priorities dancing and dueling . A lot of years,j a great deal of thinking. Years taking my own internal inventory. Years of being honest and realistic with my own self  taught me the difference between happiness and contentment. Taught me the value and reliability - and availability - of both of them.

I'll take my glass (any part full) of simple contentment over an empty glass waiting to be filled with  'happiness' any day - seven days a week, twenty four hours a day.

So there you have it, my heart, my thoughts. My words for what they're worth. Hold close what may help you ~ sweep aside what does not ~ either way, thank you for reading....

Rough draft excerpt from the upcoming book
Copyright 2013



And So It Goes

Ancient Direction Stone North South East West
 

No matter how you chart your course
Navigate your life

Live your days

At some point

At some time

You'll hurt someone
Disappoint someone
Leave someone feeling let down or betrayed....

 

The best choice for you
May feel like the worst choice to them

 

Opinions

Clash

Collide

Conflict

Confound

 

Needs

Are so very individual

Unique

Variable

Unexplainable

Unfathomable

To anyone but the person feeling them, living them

Seeking to fulfill them

 

And so it goes....

 

To choose for the needs of others?

Or for your heart?

No right, no wrong

 

Lots of guilt

Sometimes anger

 

Still the dance goes on...
Sometimes a waltz in 4/4 time
Sometimes to a syncopated (and fractured) beat

 

It's best to strive to see the other shore
No matter which side you currently stand upon

 

And at the end of each day if you can say
You caused no intentional harm

Even while doing what you knew you had to do

For your own self

Then, I suspect

Fate and Karma

Will understand

 

It's getting other humans to do the same
To agree to disagree
To set aside their indignation

At your refusal of their version of 'right'
That presents the

Difficulty

And

Challenge

 

And so it goes.....

Striving To Be Like Charlotte

 

 

She had promised Wilbur she was going to save his life and Charlotte was determined to keep her promise. Day after day, she hung from her web and waited patiently for an idea to come to her.   ~Charlotte’s Webb~

There are moments when I suspect the standard measure of success and failure is a bit off....
I say this because there are times, circumstances, events that are beyond control, outside
our reach of determined influence.

It set me thinking of Charlotte ~ and that success (or failure) ~ should also consider and count effort. The depth of  intensity, determination and perseverance extended. Outcome may be beyond reach. But if a person truly sets a goal, does his/her deepest 'best effort' (and you know in your heart if it's aye or nay) with courage and commitment shouldn't there be a rung on the ladder of success/failure for heartfelt intention and efforts? 

I see/hear/read the words of so many very very good people who do all they can with all they have to repair problems of all ilks for themselves and for others. But if the end result/outcome is beyond their efforts no matter how determinedly they have fought, they count themselves to have failed.

It haunts me, this clear divide of success and failure, this either/or, with no accounting for nor nod to the beauty of intention, for grace of the effort, for the care and concern that still surround and comfort those in need of aide (or to the credit of those who step up) even if the goal remains elusive or unattained.

There is something I can't quite capture in words about "the Charlottes'" of the world ~ those who stand steadfast beyond strength and reason for themselves, for others, for causes.  Their determination, their dogged persistence to see thru a promise made, to do what is right, what is best when needed.

Charlottes' posses kindness and courage of the heart.

No matter how small the selfless act, the truth is that any time you reach beyond yourself it's not small.  Every effort to do the right thing, outcome be damned, in your own world matters (if to no one but yourself). Even the smallest of effort or care on the behalf of another (should) count because it happened. There should be some verbiage inbetween success and failure to signify standing tall, strong and honorable in your own life regardless of whether the goal was/was not achieved. There need be, I believe, something that denotes someone having picked up the banner of kindness and having taken action (successful or not) because they cared about something/someone besides themselves.

Yes. There should be something that rests between success and failure. A concept and word that denotes effort, honor, kindness, outward giving even when the goal remains unachieved.

Tho I'm uncertain it will ever be so, there is one thing I am certain of... And that is this:

 

I'm striving (daily) to become more like Charlotte.

Fear

Part of the farm woodlands

I've spent a great deal of time since buying the farm, arriving battled and broken, pondering emotions. Fear is one of them. Such a primal emotion, so intense and undying if left to it's own devices. It has an endless and ever-evolving lifespan. How easy it is to step from one fear to the next. And if by some fluke there's no immediate panic of you own you'll soon be presented with a variety via news, public place conversation, family, coworkers, friends. Often well meaning yet (IME) devastating to quality of life if absorbed on a steady, frequent basis.

There is a vast difference between people sharing difficult worry or events, discussing options, comforting one another, seeking solutions and the general, ongoing fear I'm refering to. What is odd about most fear that obsesses people if allowed to (myself included) is that it isn't personal event related. Rather it's woven of vague possibilities or lack of control - brought to attention by politics or commercials or facebook or weather stations or newspapers or such. Worst of all this sort of fear seems to reject any and all possible solution.

Like an itch that can't be scratched away, fear seems to endlessly replicate and as humans we drift (in many instances) towards allowing it to sit in the drivers seat - either by ignoring possible options - or if no solution is visible - letting it grip us rather than resist the damage it inflicts.

I know - I do. For years it ruled me with wild abandon. I'd hate to count the cumulative time I allowed it to steal from me (thinking of the potentially calm or happy hours it consumed) because I allowed it to. Handed it the keys. Opened the door to the drivers side of my mind. Then I seated myself in the passenger seat. As fear floored it, speed racing with my mind, dodging truth, avoiding solutions, hanging two wheels off the cliff edge of sanity, I remained in the passenger seat (without even buckling my seatbelt).

When the farm and I found each other people began to share with me how fearful they were that it was an ill advised idea (the farm) sharing their (well intentioned) fears. I was afraid. My checkbook was scared sh*tless. Banks and insurance companies were hysterical. Complete strangers feared for me (and shared their fears with me). I sensed I had to choose. Choose between giving the 'drivers keys' to fear and sitting meekly thru endless wild rides in my mind. OR I could begin to drive myself - at least some of the time. I chose the latter and it was, I hate to admit, a good deal more difficult to do than to say. As I began repairing the farm, putting her back together, I was determined to rebuild myself. Repairing both of us, to better than when we'd started  .

I began to watch less  (eventually little to no) news.  Cancelled the paper. Saw less of (or paid less heed to)  those who 'feared for me and my choices'. Because after all, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Tho the best help to me EVER in controlling fear (and I'd have it tatooed if I weren't a wimp, lol) is:  if you keep doing the same thing you've always done, you'll continue to get the same results you've always gotten.  Brilliant and true! I added new behaviours to combat fear, about something actual or imagined. When I'd wake up in the night in a cold sweat I'd make lists, look for solutions, beat fear back with a stick. I'd choose and try something, ANYthing to defeat what I was fearing because action IS control - results aside - doing SOMEthing is better than nothing (another newsflash for me, lol).

Little by little I gained ground against fear, useless lout that he is. At  least now he had to ASK for the keys. It was a start.  In the weeks, months and years that followed I began to teach myself to carefully choose (or avoid when appropriate) fear inducing interactions/events/input. Again I must stress, I'm not refering to listening or sharing real life concerns or problem solving but rather the vague-y, dark cloud-y, soap opera-ish, stock market-y, pharmaceutical-y, insurance-ish, chickenlittle-y sort of fear.

These days, I struggle still. Part of life. Part of living. Part of growing.
(what's that saying? If you're not a little afraid you need to try something new! lol)
But more days are calm, productive, content.  More hours are spent seeking solutions than worrying in a circle of indecision. More nites are filled with tired well earned sleep.

Best of all, while I haven't gotten fear out of the car altogether, I do have him locked in the trunk....

So many emotions in life - so many good ones. 
Try to move fear to the bottom of the list (or into the trunk!) whenever you can.

There Are Blue Fish Flying In My Woods

I learned (quite early in my life) that I was drawn to, amused by, valued, and required things that were quite different from most other people I knew - something that has not changed. Except perhaps to have become moreso over the decades.

Teachers fretted (in writing even!) that I was too much of a loner. Counselors feared for me as I was too much of a day-dreamer (I was moved to the front row AWAY from the windows - often - to deter daydreaming lol).Gym teachers feared I was too thin and non-athletic (I still despise mandated exercise but continue to outlast anyone in any physical demand or event that intrigues me or needs to be accomplished by my hands).

I have always held close to my heart: nature, spirits, crows, signs, messages, karma, the woods and the sea. I've a fondness for unicorns and mermaids, truth be told. Frogs, crickets, owls are friends of mine. I struggle with humanity as a whole. I trust slowly. People I grow to trust and love have my fondness and my loyalty forever.

See? Not so much of the common/average/expected in my personality weave.

Quirky is a descriptor often connected to me in conversations.

And that pleases me - because being who you are is both a skill and an adventure - and with luck endures thru your entire existence. Who would I be now if I'd attempted to alter myself to please or appease the teachers, gym coaches, associates, acquaintances, neighbors, strangers, family, clients,  (tho well meaning many were in their concern and advice)....

These days, when I walk my acres at the farm and arrive at the place where all the blue fish hang I think of the day I hung them there. Swimming in air, high on a hill, hundreds of miles from the sea. I pause. I smile. Without doubt, not unlike my 'woodland blue-fish' I've always been different, yet exactly who I wanted to become, exactly who I was meant to be.

And if I were to wish for one gift for friend and foe alike it would be to seek, find, and be true to their own blue fish, swimming in air, amid their own woods....