Whichever One You Feed

Thru my office window

There's little that's simple or easy or fair about life.
There's much that's wonderful, amazing, enjoyable about life.

Which is true?

I won't pretend that things (in general) are/have been easy
in these parts recently. Challenge is a constant companion.
So is hard work and optimism.

As the saying goes, things are seldom as bad as I fear nor as good as I hope.

Life is far worse for many others, better for many others.
Little point in even going down that comparative road.

There is joy here. Progress here. Warmth and laughter here.

Still....

Sometimes in the wee hours of the nite when fevers and worries flourish
I have to decide. Other times when things (or people) place unexpected
issues at my feet I have to decide. There are points in time when I'm tired, discouraged, generally pissed off frustrated and again I have to decide.

That is when I remember the legend of whichever you feed....
Attributed to ancient native american lore tho I've never been able to source if for certain. It's been a standard of sanity for me for most of my adult life.

Thought I'd share it - 

The legends tells of a young adult sitting in a field talking with his aged grandfather. The discussion wanders pleasantly and ultimately touches upon dealing with human emotions. Joy and sadness. Anger and kindness. Envy and contentment.  The elder likens these emotions to animals they both know well.  The wolf, the bear, the eagle, the hawk, the coyote. He points out that each of these animals, much like each human emotion, is profoundly clever and powerful. His grandson asks "if each is clever and each is powerful, which is the strongest grandfather"?

To which his grandfather replies "whichever one you feed".

In the darkness of nite, in the moments of frustration, in the times of contentment and satisfaction I remind myself it is always my decision what I will 'feed'. What I will give more strength and power. It's harder for any emotion you do not feed to sustain. Harder for it to overtake you. Difficult for it to control you. Conversely true is the fact that what you 'feed' will direct you, control you, own you and the direction of your life, step by step. Inch by inch.

You often do not choose nor invite the pieces that are the puzzle of your life into the frame of your days and nights. The successes and problems, joys and agonies, delights and difficulties are largely random.

Your initial reaction is human, unscripted.
But which you feed is your decision, your choice.

It's such a simple yet complex lesson. A lesson that never fails to help me. I seldom have control over situations. I neither have (nor want) control over other people's point of view. But I can control what I focus on (feed) and how I react and interact. Step by step and situation by situation I can choose.

Every day I strive to pay close attention to which I feed...

What does it take to save an old farm?

  In a lovely blog email someone asked me:
"Does it require more
*Time, *Patience, or  *Money 

to rehab/save/repair an old farm"?

Easy question, because there is a one word answer:

Yes!

(lol - the truth is it takes all of those in ever-changing  percentages) 

*and a bit of inherent or acquired insanity 

is a mighty helpful fourth to the 'what it takes'
list of requirements :-)

Comments (which I love!) but a small change

Hello everyone! Lots happening - it's that time of year, lol  Strawberries and peas and onions and radishes and flowers that need planting and thinning. Crazed weather. Continual alternating of  90s blazing sun (requiring water ing to avoid wilt then days later freeze (yes freeze) warnings. So it's run about wildly spreading cover and drape as much as possible to protect from freeze. Then the cycles repeat. Odd, annoying and it wears one out a bit lol. Set amid the standard day to day routine and it's left little time here, sadly. Hopefully it'll soon change....both this weather and my missing in blog-action.

One bit of news related to comments is that I have finally,  reluctantly stopped allowing anonymous comments. I've resisted with vigor. Yet the time has arrived for that to change for various reasons. I'll spare you (lol) my normal pontification regarding the whys and wherefores (maybe some other time). Suffice it to be said too much time is being consumed by spam based no-name-no-contact comments requiring  evaluation and ultimate clear or delete. And there are some anony commentors I'd really like to reply to as they are legit - I just have no way of even attempting to locate them.

I hope each of you who takes a moment (or many!) to comment know how VERY much your comments/thoughts mean to me. This change should impact most very little and I hope anyone who has commented sans any ID in the past will continue to comment even tho it will now require some declaration of a blog or contact. If you're one who's commented previously (logged in) and encounter any problems please let me know and I'll look into it right away. I know how frustrating it is attempt to comment and have the system or settings be uncooperative and I do not want to create a headache you when you comment.Thanks for understanding - or at least working with me - regarding this change. 

I hope to be back to posting a bit more along with some stories and lots and lots of pictures I've been taking to share here with you!

I also can't wait to catch up on all of your posts  :-)

Someone Asked: Egg And Dart Moulding

A comment I posted led to a 'can I see' request so here's the (old) pics. Very bad quality for which I offer apology - but I was insane* (from prime-painting all that detail and knowing what I was in for with still the finish coat to go lol). It was late, poor light and it was yet to be fully seated in with caulk. 

*Trust me on this: paint any/all moulding on sawhorse or floor or lawn BEFORE you install  :-)

Age, Social Security And AP

 

So lengthy the list, so many concerns that the world
holds to worry over...

 

The massive (and unexplained) right whale die off.
Perhaps only 500 remain.

(perhaps if we'd not allowed them to be whaled into near non-existence
as a society of humans they'd not now be imperiled)

An article published eight hours ago by AP exclaiming Social Security
and Medicare are quote: 'shifiting money from younger generations to older ones'

Perhaps it should be mentioned in the article just how many thousands of
dollars each working adult was obliged to pay into these programs
And now, much like a deposit bank account seek only to access those funds.
Not to live as royalty.
But to live modestly.
To avoid eating cat food
(did you know elders are one of the higher poverty groups)?

 

I wish the article would have mentioned that a large (and larger) portion
of each elders' Social Security payments are
dedicated to paying numerous taxes.

*school taxes (benefiting the young not the old)
*taxes for WIC and CHP (benefiting the young, not the old)

 

Monies that were deducted (from every single lifelong paycheck)
returned via Soc Sec payments pay county taxes and state taxes

for roadways, snow clearing, improvements
libraries, fire and police

Services that benefit young and older adults.
Some that benefit younger adults more.
Road use for example as non-retirees are on the roads more than retired adults.
Much of what Soc Sec payees continue to support with their small checks
assist young adults, building their lives, heading to work
shaping and living their lives as those, now older, did.

 

I deeply wish AP would have mentioned that those
who have reached the milestone of Soc Sec and Medicare
are simply (as promised) accessing  those funds
  demanded of them from a lifetime of paychecks.

The fact this current retiring generation is large means that
there is more need. It also means there was (for decade upon decade)
more taken in, gathered, collected, stockpiled than any other generation.
The math should work. We, the graying, had no control over how
the funds were managed, handled, invested, borrowed or otherwise controlled.

Getting older, being older, should not be a cause for blame.

We, inching our way closer to retirement who have done as demanded
paid and paid and paid. With the agreement it would be there for us at a
predetermined age. It shocks and wearies me to find AP (or any group)
pointing to the aging as the villains, harming the younger, by now being old.

Easy tho we are to 'blame'

 

These are the mornings, the days when I gather my camera and my thoughts

and walk among the trees and fields. The sprouting crops, the nesting birds.
The blooms.
 

No accusations are called out. The young animals move more quickly than the old.
Young mother cows, goats and birds feed their young. The older graze, looking on
now in a different phase of life.
Neither thinks itself better or worse, more or less of value.
They contentedly co-exist.

I love these acres, this farm, these truths.
The cycles of life are understood here.

No anger. 

Just each life taking its turn.

 

Every living thing grows older
Grows old
Grows weaker

Needs a bit of help

 

In animal nature, the younger of the herd, doesn't begrudge
the elders their share of green spring grass
or their spot in the shade of the trees in July.
Nor their place in the barn in the winter.
The elders don't blame the young that they will die
or become freezer food for winter. Or food bartered for firewood or
a tractor repair or seed or manure
for next spring.
 

How tragic it will be if that can not be said of humans. If the young and old do not each support the place in life that we both currently occupy without resentment.
 

In Patagonia they suspect that one of the reasons the right wales are dying
is because recently the gulls have taken to pecking (and consuming) the backs

of the right whales (adults and calves) when they rise for air.

There is no known reason the gulls do so. It's a new behavior.

There is enough food, enough space for the whales and the gulls according to
the marine biologists who study this cruel new gull behavior.

There is a proposition to kill the gulls

to save the right whale mothers and calves.

  

I worry. I hope.
For the right whales.

For the gulls.
For all ages of humans.

 

Right whales rise to breath air.
Gulls scavenge.
 Humans live a full life and grow older every day.
With luck we all do what nature intends and live a full life.

 

We're all part of the intertwined cycle.
Part of the circle.
None escape age.

 

I wish AP, journalists, communities, humans in general
would talk of and write about the entire journey of life.
Of compassion. Of seeking solutions rather than pitting
gulls against whales, young against old(er).

If only there were discussions regarding the full and entire truth.
Elder social support is essential because everyone is (eventually)
going to be older and move slower. Sleep more. See and hear less clearly.
Hope (and need) to step away from work
 (opening up a job for someone younger). 

There is a quote that says we are only as good, as worthwhile
as we treat animals, those in need, those weak, those young and helpless,

sick and infirm. To that I would add also, those of age.

 

Advanced age is a doorway each of you reading has walked thru
or is heading towards...
There is no sidestepping it.

Points to  ponder as we have the opportunity to influence
our government, our representatives.
Points to ponder as choices and votes on Soc Security and Medicare

are put forward. Decisions made now that will touch each of us.

  ~~~

Now I'm heading out with my camera to take some pictures
and find some peace.

 

Thanks for reading....

 

The Trouble With Clever Gadgets

I wish I had a stone (I'd build a wall) a penny (I'd be rich), a pint (I'd be happily drunk - no actually I'd be A DRUNK lol so skip this one!) a board (I'd build a fence) etc for every boldly guaranteed time saving, clever device or product I've tried that, well hasn't (been clever or saved time).  Dang.  Been there done that.   Truly annoying. How 'oft I said aloud 'and who was the idiot who thought THIS would be a good idea' ??!!!
(oh yes, it was me....)

My last venture into clever-land was an extendable handled three prong weeding device. Loved it LOVED it as it could work short for close garden or bed tasks THEN  with a simple turn of the center dial it could extend several feet. Twist the dial again locking it in the extended position  and work the soil/sod/weeds in more out of the way areas which saved mucking up wellies and leaving footprint/crushing plantings! Marvelous! 

Marvelous right up to the moment that (as I was leaning on it for a bit of a breather) the clever center-dial-lock in the device went katy-wompkas and dropped me, my cuppa , my sun hat three feet with the speed of light right on my shocked expression face.  Further maddening was the the discovery it was impossible to repair.  Great gadget joy ~ short lived, lol

The final inventory showed:
rip in my sunhat
coffee in my wellies
bruises hither and thither
broken 'clever and costly' timesaving device

(yet I'm willing to bet it won't be the last  'clever gadget' I bring back to the farm, lol)

How about you? Any favorite gadets (inside or outside)?
Any favorite 'clever gone wayyyyy wrong' stories?!! Hmmmmmm?

Happiness vs Contentment Peacock vs Wren



There is an endless search in the human heart (and on every bookshelf and late nite cable channel) to learn how to be, 'happy' - preferably (or laughably) all the time. What an odd thought. What a pointless quest.  Happy comes. Happy goes. It's transitory, elusive, uncommandable, uncontrollable.  Happiness is the rain, the birdsong, the unpredictable gift that arrives of it's own accord. Not scheduled, ordered, planned. Read all the self-help books you care to, you won't (IMHO) discover  the place happiness lives, allowing you to visit it any time you want.

Sad? Depressing? Angering? Hopeless?  Oh no, not at all.

Because tho I grant you it's only my opinion drawn from my thus-far life experience, it's easy to confuse happiness with contentment. Contentment, unlike happiness is something you can plant and grow in your mind, your heart, your outlook.

On any average day you won't necessarily find something to be 'happy about' but what you can (tragedy aside) always find in any average day are a lot of things to feel content about.

Waking up (for starters) because you have a new day ahead of you.

The smell of coffee brewing. The way the warm cup feels in your hands.
A moment, gazing out the window while you sip it.

A person in your life you love - any person - the details don't matter, do they?
A person in your life who loves you - any person, relationship, details unimportant
And if you are very truly lucky you love each other (not as common as one would think). Lots of people love someone who doesn't love them back the same way. Or at all. Or with the same depth. Again it doesn't really matter what relationship is - you and your mother/father/brother/sister/friend/husband/wife/child/boy/girlfriend.

It's the love not the relationship.

You'd be surprised (we'd all be surprised) at how very many people go thru life never loving or feeling loved or never feeling loved the same way they love someone.

If you have any or all of those sorts of love you have one of the best foundations of contentment.

Decide to do one thing in the day - just one thing - you feel good about.  Something at home, at work, in your community. For a neighbor, friend, family member, stranger. Doesn't have to be large or dynamic. Doesn't have to be noticed. The point is that it made you feel good. That it made you smile to yourself.  Contentment.

See how easy contentment is to find? Not like that primadonna happiness, lol

Of course you have to choose to find contentment too. Nothing (but nothing) (except maybe for bills lol) will just appear - and contentment is no different. But it abounds every day all day unlike happiness. Think wren vs peacock ratio.  How many wrens do you see in a day? How many peacocks?

There were days (oh there were more than days) I used to wonder why I didn't feel 'happy'. And it made me feel inadequate, sad, cheated, angry, empty, frustrated, pissed, misunderstood. When I decided to take my heart in hand and go a-seeking contentment my days became so full of things to count I was surprised. Surprised at all I found. Surprised how much better I felt (and yes of course I have crap days, lol)  Nobody has only good days. But nobody has only awful days either. It's just a bad, bad (really bad) habit that we as a society have developed to think we should/could/will ever be 'happy' all the time. I was on the top of the list of happiness seeking addicts, so I know...

But year after year on the farm I watched crops, seasons, life, death, priorities dancing and dueling . A lot of years,j a great deal of thinking. Years taking my own internal inventory. Years of being honest and realistic with my own self  taught me the difference between happiness and contentment. Taught me the value and reliability - and availability - of both of them.

I'll take my glass (any part full) of simple contentment over an empty glass waiting to be filled with  'happiness' any day - seven days a week, twenty four hours a day.

So there you have it, my heart, my thoughts. My words for what they're worth. Hold close what may help you ~ sweep aside what does not ~ either way, thank you for reading....

Rough draft excerpt from the upcoming book
Copyright 2013



An April Day In Boston 4/15/13

There are no words
No voice is heard

Explaining still more sadness

 

More broken hearts

Lives wrent apart

Amid the random bleeding

 

Runners, friends

No thought of 'end'

Except the finish line

 

 No words are found
As pain abounds
And no one knows

The reason...

 

Strength and hope to all those in Boston
To those harmed, and to all those doing their best to help them

fidf 2013

She Wondered

 

 

When she was eight, she'd wander down to the barn
And under the Summer sky she wondered
Of which is there more.....
Happy or Sad?

 

 

When she was twelve, she wondered
Of which is there more
Challenge or Ease?

 

 

When she was sixteen she wondered
Of which is there more
Pleasure or pain?

 

When she was twenty she wondered
Which was stronger....

Cruelty or kindness?

 

At thirty, she wondered (often)

Which was rewarded....
Honor or deceit?

 

At forty, she pondered
The meaning of life
The paths she'd chosen

(and the ones she hadn't)

 

By fifty she wondered
How she's arrived

Where she found herself

 

By sixty, seventy and eighty

Her hair grey, her stature shortened
Her heart weary ~ but full ~
She now spent her days knowing
There were no right nor wrong answers

No correct paths

No love unworthy of the pain of loss

No challenge unworthy of effort

 

She smiled to herself as she realized
She'd had all the answers at eight

There are happy days
There are sad days

 

There is it turned out
(all wondering aside)

Just the living of your life...

(Text by Issy Copyright 2013)

 

APRIL!

April is one of those months people love or hate lol
I fall in the 'love it' category

For me it's the friday afternoon of a week - or the nite before
an anticipated event or visit....

The fun hasn't yet started but it close!

Oh - so - close

 

Sad to say April first brought more snow here
but it's promised to be in the 50's by weeks end
so with luck I may see a hint of these little friends

Can't wait

 

Not much of worth to share otherwise
Working on Etsy shop
Collecting and starting seeds
(I snapped up some packets of peas
that only vine about 18-20 inches so they'll be fun to try)

 

Planning the Spring/Summer

"Want to do" and 'Must be done" lists

you know that sort of keep busy while waiting sort of thing

 

How about you?!?
Whatcha up to these early days of
loved (or not lol) APRIL....